Lonely

semua org sibuk, semua org pergi, dan bener2 ga meninggalkan jejak. gue kesepian sendiri. gue berusaha menghubungi, tp di cuekin. yasudah lah mmg nasib unt kesepian kali ya. terima aja. ga akan lg berusaha menghubungi syp pun. thanks for the lesson unt bljr independen. oh ya, dpt lesson satu lg, yaitu lebih baik cuek drpd perhatian, dijamin ga bakalan sakit hati. bye.

They are Leaving

Its sad to see ur friends one by one starting to disappear, especially the close ones. They move to another country for good. They are not leaving permanently, but as u can see, u will not meet them in a very2 long time. I may don't know in the next few years ahead they are still same as the old one or not. I oftenly find the akward feeling/moment between me and some of my friends when we already long time not seeing each other. Therefore when they're gone, I'm afraid that they will starting to forget about me or maybe our relationship will be not as close as it was.

Yesterday, three of my close friends was leaving. Its sad. Truly I'm sad. I can no longer meet them anytime, cannot hear their voice whenever i need to, cannot chat all the time, etc. But, i have to let them go, they're gone for good. So, mates, see u in another chance yap? I will miss u guys so much. Thankyou for being an awesome part of my life <3 <3 <3

                          My latest pics with them

With Didit&Pupa. Didit is leaving to Phillipine. He's gonna be a pilot. And Puspa, she hasn't left yet, but next week she's going to UK. They are my best partners everrr in ws! Whenever with them, i literally can't stop laughing. Love them to the core {}

With Susan. She's leaving to China-Beijing to study mandarin language. She's gonna take bachelor degree in Aussie-Syd on feb intake, see u in Syd cuciii!

With Gitta. She's leaving to Holland. Idk when we will meet again Git, but i hope asap, kay? Miss u gittt, its been a while we are not sharing&laughing together :(

Well, i only can wish bunch of lucks to u guysss, see u again in another chance. Love-u-all-o-so-much :* {}

Self-control

Banyak banget hal gue yg pgn gue wujud in, tp sll gabs krn byk halangan. Rasa nya pgn teriak dan berontak. Tapi gaboleh. Krn gue tau konskuensi nya. Rasa nya kesabaran gue skrg bener2 diuji sm yg diatas. Bisa ga gue keep on track dgn niat baik gue yg udh gue janjiin sm Tuhan, atau mengingkari nya dgn membuat kesalahan kecil yg bs berakibat fatal.

Tuhan, tolong beri saya keteguhan dan kesabaran untuk menjalani hari2 yg ga mudah dan berat ini, amin.

Guilty Feeling to My Dearest Friends

Didit sm Gitta bntr lg brgkt, hbs itu minggu dpn puspa. Gue gktau knp merasa bersalaaah bgt sm didit puspa dan dhana krn kmrn gabs jln brg. Sementara, gue jg merasa bersalah sm gitta jg krn udh lama bgttt ga ktm&kmrn dia udh ngundang gue ke farewell nya sementara kt ga bs ngmng&foto byk, trs gue plg cpt krn udh di jmpt. Tp gue merasa brslh terutama sm didit. Hes been so nice to me, trs pas dia mau cao gue gada. What kind of good friend am i, dit? I am truly2 sorry. Gue punya keterbatasan. Supir gue lg gada dan bokap yg nganter. Ga mgkn bgt gue minta dia nganterin ke semua tujuan gue. Dan sorry bgt ya dit&pus kt gkjd ke bandung brg wkt itu, gue smp skrg jujur msh gaenak bgt. Seandai nya dit gue bs menebus kesalahan gue, plis apapun yg gue bs jangkau sblm lo brgkt :''') jujur gue sedih bgt lo cabut :( lo bro gue yg plg baik hu. Please jgn benci atopun sebel ya sm gue kalian. Baik didit, puspa, maupun gitta. In my heart, i love u guys bgt {}

Wake Up Call

hi. skrg adlh jam 11 mlm. gue hbs mengalami hari yg cukup capek dan tidak mengenak kan, knp? lemme start from my activities today. hari ini gue ke pim-gym, salon, dan gitta's farewell. jadi supir gue libur slm seminggu krn mudik. hal yg bkn gue plg gaenak adlh bokap yg anter jemput. i feel bad for him. ga pantes sih sbnr nya he did such thing for me. cmn buat ktm temen2 doang loh :( gosh, i do feel really2 bad. terlebih, sepanjang perjalanan both of us silent. no talking at all. itu bkn gue tambah merasa buruk, seakan akan I'm using him as my driver. hv u ever felt like that for ur entire life? if u hv, u know how i feel at that time. horrible. tapi, krn kt diem, sepanjang perjalanan gue jd mikir. mikir byk. merefleksikan apa aja yg tlh gue buat slm ini dan cara unt memperbaiki nya. mengingat waktu gue yg tinggal sebulan di jakarta kl Tuhan mengijinkan gue brgkt akhir september. mulai dari apa yg gue buat ke keluarga, org2 terdekat, dan teman.

gue mengakui kl gue ini sbnr nya careless, egois, dan self-centre. dari awal, gue hidup sbg anak manja yg segala nya berkecukupan, terlebih gue anak terkecil yg plg srg mendapat kan semua keinginan gue. tapi hdp gue berubah 180 derajat like I've told u before on my previous post. skrg semua serba sulit unt gue. hal2 itu apa, ga akan gue post dsn krn the list is way too much&private. but trust me, those things are really2 difficult to face. gue merasa gue udh byk prihatin spy Tuhan bs ngabulin doa gue, tp tetep blm di jwb2 sm Tuhan. mmg, nyata nya stlh gue merenung, kl di compare sm org2 lain, prihatin gue tuh blm ada apa2 nya. bener2 cmn setengah kali ya? ato mgkn cmn seperempat. gue msh aja ngeliat ke atas, bkn ngeliat ke bwh.

dan hal yg plg plg plg buruk dr gue adlh gue merasa seringkali, gue yg hrs di perhatiin sm org2. pdhl? everybody's concern is not me. like they hv their own life too. td gue bertanya sm diri gue sndr, kalo gue disakitin sm org, knp gue hrs benci dan gasuka sm dia? hellooo? its life. gue tersadar, org2 terdekat gue aja yg super super super dekeeet bs nyakitin gue. well, mgkn mrk ga sadar krn itu hal sepele, tp buat gue yg skrg super sensitif ini, gue ngerasa kesel. how come, dude? how come? krg apa gue sm lo? semua yg lo mau gue belain buat lo. what did i do wrong? sedih bgt smp speechless. duh rite now, that person makes me feel like my life get worsen and worsen. wait, itu pikiran gue td. tp stlh gue dpt hikmah nya, gue mikir. kl yg superrr deket aja ga aware sm gue apalagi yg cuman deket ato biasa? yakinnn 100% they won't give a damn. thats how life goes. saat perenungan gue itu, gue jd inget kata2 lydia. motto dia itu adlh 'give more, expect less, live simply'. dor! serasa gue tertembak sm kata2 itu. kpn gue berbuat itu unt keluarga? duh sedikiiiiiiit bgt, malah kl bs gue yg dikasih byk. sahabat? iya tp ga fully contributed, why? krn gue msh berharap byk dr mrk stlh gue ngasih byk. temen? duh apalagi boro2, mlh kl tmn gue mau nya mrk yg do smthg for me, bkn gue yg do smthg for them. see? how selfish i am. dan kalo lo pikir, lo ngasih trs lo ga di bls budi sm org lain itu adlh hal yg sgt2 tdk bs ditolerir, lo salah besar. krn teman, bahkan sahabat, dan bahkannn keluarga ga mgkn seimbang dlm hal memberi dan diberi. pasti ada slh satu dr org tsb yg ngalah dan yg gatau diri.

so, start from now on, gue mau jadi org yg ngalah itu. terlepas dari semua kesalahan org2 yg udh mrk perbuat sm gue, baik itu temen, sahabat, maupun keluarga. gue mau maafin mrk sepenuh nya dan buka lembaran baru. gue mau berbuat semampu&sebaik baik nya yg gue bs unt org2 di sekitar gue, walaupun gue tau mrk ga akan bls hal itu sama dgn gue. and maybe its my wake up call, from God. its time to forgive all ppl that hv done wrong to me. gue literally, mau jd kezia yg bs ngikutin motto nya lydia. maybe itu bkln hurt so baddd dan ga mudah, tp skrg udh saat nya buat gue unt bljr melakukan hal itu di saat gue udh menyadari&merefleksikan itu. terlebih jika gue melakukan hal itu dgn iklhas & sungguh2, gue percaya this strong words;

'ada saat nya ketika kesabaran dan ketekunan membuahkan penghasilan.' 

thanksGod for another reflections that u gave me. hv a blessed day everyone :)

Ambition

gue-desperate-pgn-kurus-bgt :O

Penyesalan yang Terlambat

Hi. Setelah mendengar lagu, menonton, dan membaca bbrp tulisan, gue tersadar. Tersadar akan apa? Mgkn blh di blg tersadar kl gue takut mencintai. Dr dulu gue ga prnh mau mengakui dr awal kl gue syg sm seseorg. Syp pun itu. Smp akhir nya terlambat. Dan gue br menyadari gue syg org itu stlh dia punya pasangan/lost contact. Bodoh ya? Tp jujur, gue smp skrg ga prnh confident dgn fisik dan otak gue. Dan gue plg plg plg bgt takut ditolak. Gatau knp. Mgkn trauma kl ya? Tapi gue mau janji skrg, kl suatu saat dtg org yg tepat dan gue bener2 syg sm dia, gue akan mengakui hal itu dan ga membuang kesempatan itu lg.

Penantian

pernah gasih lo jealous? sama couple. bkn couple biasa, tp yg spesial gt. jujur gue paling jealous sama cewe yg bisa dapetin cowo super baik. dan tadi gue liat salah satu temen gue yg beruntung itu sama cowo nya yg super nice. gue jealous. sorry, krn itu adalah impian gue dari dulu. yap, punya pacar yg berkarakter super baik plus sayang nya sama gue tulus. bkn krn gue suka sm cowo nya, engga haha tp krn gue pgn punya cowo yg super baik ky dia. smp kpn ya gue hrs nunggu, hu sedih bgt deh. jujur, itu adalah penantian sepanjang hidup gue loh. well, just saying.

This kid's face is similar with me when i was child HAHA

Officially Addicted to Snake Leather!

Aaa love those things so muchhh! :3

I just bought the wallets, but the bag is not new, its mine wihi. I will collect snake leather accecories from now on. Well, if u want to give me some gift, better to give me some accecories with snake leather+shocking colour wihihi i will truly love it!

 *kidding, but if u give i me, i will not refuse it, LOL* ;)

Failed? Try again!

It doesn't matter I failed a hundred times, i'll try again.

Im telling my self that i will never quit, whenever I'm failed, ill try again again and again. I will keep on trying no matter how hard it is and no matter how many my failure is. Cause i believe someday God will grant all my wishes. I will also never stop trying and believing, because God has ears and He has power to do anything. So, I strongly believe, with God, all things are possible.

In addition, i got this bbm from tante lina this morning:

"Good Morning,

Segala sesuatu yg terjadi dlm kehidupan kita sdh ada dlm rancangan NYA, jadi tetap berdoa dan berharap, apapun yg kita alami Allah tdk pernah meninggalkan mu. Pencobaan-pencobaan yang kamu alami ialah pencobaan-pencobaan biasa, yang tidak melebihi kekuatan manusia. Sebab Allah setia dan karena itu Ia tidak akan membiarkan kamu dicobai melampaui kekuatanmu. Pada waktu kamu dicobai Ia akan memberikan kepadamu jalan ke luar, sehingga kamu dapat menanggungnya. (1kor12) 
Tuhan Yesus Memberkatimu."

Yap, God always give me a way out whenever I have problems. Like unexpectedly. For me, those kind of things are called blessing. Therefore, never stop believing. He always keep His promises and His promises are real.

One thing for sure, Im so grateful I have God like Jesus, He is truly my saviour. I could not imagine how my life could be without Him. Thanks God for Ur presence in my life :)

            - Quote of the day,"When one door closed, another one is open." -

Mom's Bday!

Hey, now my mom is 56 years old! :)

Its 12:30 AM now. So, i want to share my story about my mom's bday. It was yesterday which is 30 minutes ago actually hahaha.

I can say yesterday was quiet productive day and my feeling for yesterday was happy-not-happy haha. So lemme begin the story, here we go!

My day started when my sister woke me up. She said, 'hey its mum's bday!' Sooo i woke up immediately and both of us ran into mom's room. Mom was praying and we waited until she finished. After she finished praying, both of us said 'happy bday' while kissed&hugged her. Btw, I was planning to made her a red velvet cake, but mom said that i don't need to, in case that she has high cholesterol nowadays. Therefore, she asked accompanying her at that day to go to several places and i said yes.

Our destinations yesterday were sensei's house for mom medication therapy, my sister's university, GI, and PP.

Forget the boring stories, so im gonna start with the exciting part which is from GI.

In GI we were planning to hv lunch, complete as whole family, well, in fact, it failed. Daddy can't make it because he was busy with his work. Therefore, i hv an idea to took them to Magnum Cafe. So we enjoyed the lunch time with the desserts wihihi~ I was glad, really i did. Heres pics of us.

This is dessert that i ordered. Red velvet cake with strawberry magnum, cherries, and chocolate sauce. Yummm! :9

This is pic of mum&me

This is my sister

After that, because we thought we want to eat with dad, we went to pp which is near to daddy's office, so he could join us.

When we arrived at PP, it was about 4-5 PM which is time for ppl who fasting about to eat, so almost every single restaurants that we visited at that time was fully booked. U-ooo disaster. So we walked around two levels to find a restaurant, yet it failed hahaha. Mom was so desperate and she wanted to go home or drink&wait at some place to get our favourite restaurant. So, i took them to Kem Chick, in purpose to wasting time there. However, there's Kenny Rogger's in Kem Chick, and we got our seats to eat there, well, we end up eating there hahaha they way too hungry :p after we ate, I was wondering 'shud i make cake or not, its late night?' Therefore, I decided to buy a cake. Fyi, maqui's now open in PP! So i bought maqui's cheese cake considering that its cheap and tasted like heaven mihihi~

After our business finished PP, we directly went home. Psttt psttt, at those time, mom didn't know that i bought her cake, because I was about to surprise her.

When we arrived at home, I was planning to surprise mom with the cake i bought, however, i didn't hv any bday candles. In case my sister needed to photocopy her stuffs, i asked her to buy some bday candles. Unexpectedly, when she arrived home, she bought me wrong candles, even wrong numbers, arghhh so pissed with her that time!!! 

The most stupid thing is she bought bday candles number 9 not 6. Arghhh, dummy. 

And the most annoying part is no one helped me preparing mom's cake. Even my sister!!! She was pissed of because I mad at her T_T. 

Well, so i thought time is running&i cannot wasting time anymore. Finally, ALONE,  I've got to find some bday candles at home and made number 6 by turn around the up side&bottom side of the candle. Its not easy thou. My finger got knife and my hand almost burned while creating number 6. Pathetic right?! They went to upstairs, all of em T_T. So when I'm done with creating all those stuffs in the downstairs, i lighted the fire into the candles, and try to carried the cake&camera by myself to upstairs, but i can't so i called my annoying sister. Yap in this crucial part, she only helped me at that time. Aaa annoying! :( But nvrmind. So at 11 PM, which is last hour for her bday, we arrived at mom's room, i directly sang happy bday and asked mum to make a wish&blow the candles. She was happy!!! Also, I made it to surprise her, even it was at 11 PM, thou it still her bday. Awweee~ I'm glad! My handwork kinda paid off :) I asked my sis to took all the pics MUAHAHA, but then she asked me to took some too T_T. 

However, over all I'm glad. Why? Cause my mom happy and the rest of my fam too :) Once again happy bday mom!!! :*

Here's our pics in home.

me&bday mom!

me&annoying sis hahaha

my fammm!

supper yummy maqui's cheese cake

the hero of the day, which is me hahaha *labeling myself* :p

again, me&mum

again, again, me&mum

last but not least, lovable kiss from me to the bday mummm

The message from this post is that i always sad each year because I'm the one who always excited of birthdays. In my family, mostly they are careless about birthdays. So I'm always the one who arranges everything for the birthdays. Hopefully in the next year ahead they change, cause i think its quiet important to concern about other ppl feeling, esp family member, helooo? Cause its a special day! So pls pls pls ohhh pls i want them to change. Moreover, what if I'm gone to somewhere else? Who's gonna in charge for family bday party? :(

My-Long-Holiday-Problems

Hi! Its been a while I'm not writing in english language and also, i think i lost my inspiration on writing. Yeah, idk why. But nevermind. So how u guys been doing? I think its quite great for most of u. I saw many of my friends posting their pics in fb like a looot and it seems they're enjoying their holiday. Yap, i guess big time. Not like me, enjoying my holiday in a little amount of time comparing to them. Got no maid, got no much money, and still can't drive the car by my self. Wala! How sad is my holiday? I hv shortage amount of time&money ha-ha-ha. Since my mom is quite mean nowadays and she doesn't give me much freedom because of the problems above, i hv to find a way out. Okay, so i have some resolutions for my problems.
Firstly, i hv to learn how to drive a car. Hopefully this week or next week. Immidiatelly! As soon as possible! I do hate hv limitation on time. My mom&dad are way so old. Hate their excuses to mad at me when i late arrive at home. Moreover, I want to be free&independent! Well.. Actually, in another words, i don't wanna pay for my driver over time hahaha, such a wasting of money :p
Secondly, i hv to sell bunchhh of cakes! After i do my research&trial of my cakes, i will promote it again. Idc if i hv to broadcast my cakes thru bbm, i need money to shop forgot sake!!!
Lastly, hope to get a maid soon. Why 'hope to' and not 'hv to'? Cause i can't find one or do anything about it. Hello, where shud i find it??? Mom said after lebaran there will be a maid. Duh, hope so, but its like i hv to wait it for centuries. Im gonna departure btw, so I'm not really put a big hope into it. But, i can't deny i miss the presence of a maid! Like, literally my life perfect when they around :')