Job Hunting!

Rite now I'm having my 6 weeks holiday in Sydney and not coming home to my lovely hometown Jakarta, sooo i got nothing to do. Thats why instead of i spend all of my money for nothing, its better to me to get a job&earn money. Im seeking for a job as chef in the restaurant/hotel's kitchen. Its been more than a week i seek for a job and i haven't find it!!! Well, the sad part is today is the beginning of week 2 and i started to feel desperate. Research, email, research, email, research, and finally go door to door from a restaurant to another restaurants, even Hotels. I started get use to with the calls, trials, and rejections. Its not easy for me, 18th-year-old-girl to do that, but what can i say life is hard baby, if u want to be success, u gotta sacrifice for it, hm maybe thats what wise or cruel man said (?). Well, maybe I'm way too picky but i wanna work in great restaurant(s) or even the hat(s) one with big salary. Maybe ppl will laugh on me, but i am a young girl with a BIG dream so its better to give a trial, who knows I'm lucky. The thing is life in here just so different from Jakarta. Like in there, hell yes ure young and ure working really2 hard and in here u hv to start ur career from zero! Literally from zero, unlike in Jakarta u can get work by relations or even working in ur dad/mom's company and start from middle or top position. Ghez, what a tough life here if u really know what i mean. I do lotsssa lotsa of complainings in this blog lately. Yep, maybe I'm kinda annoying. But who am i talk to in this world? Ppl in here or even everywhere already busy with their life, i don't want increase other ppl problem(s) with mine or get ignored because they don't care of my problem(s), so lets pretend that this blog is my super bestfriend and i share my story to her/him :)

The Truth

“I guess I’m still holding on to something that I know will never happen, because somewhere deep down inside me, I have this little piece of hope that someday, it will.”

Brief Opinion About Being Chef

one thing i love the most about being chef, ppl keep reminding to each other to be careful, not only decreasing the possibility of injury, yet ur happy because the place u work with have a caring environment <3

Dreams, Plans, and Future

hello hello and hello! how was ur last weekend guys? mine was great! ahhh so happy wihi. also, this week is so far so good, my skill is improve in the kitchen, and got many compliments from tutor chefs, thanksGod! well, i just wanna post my future plans that i renew due to my study. after studying my culinary course, i would like to take my bachelor whether major of business or hospitality, then after i gained much experience in the practical&theory, i wanna be a restauranteur! so, yap2 those r my new dreams, wismilak, i'll do my best to make it happen :-)

New Life

hi blog. i miss u. its been such a long time I'm not writing a post here. maybe its already longer than a month. gotta say, i got a such a busy&hectic day since i got in australia. well, i still got my 'gabut time' but then i often find myself not in the mood to write smthg here. anyway, I'm gonna telling a brief situation of my life in here. many ppl think that studying aboard is cool and those stuffs, well, i was thinking like that, but then, i found its hard, even its so damn hard. but what can i say? i already in here. thats what i chose. can't go back or do anything about it. in my statement, being apart from close friends is the hardest part (family was also for the first time, but I'm over with that). gotta deal with new ppl that is stranger, unpredictable, hv different nation, etc. and sometimes i find its kinda hard to communicate with new ppl in here, even with the native or ppl from other nationalism. i can't stand being lonely and got no one to talk to about life&joke&everything. actually, theres my brother, he's so damn nice and we can talk about everything, but then i miss a presence of close friends. idk why. but then, thats what i feel. the enjoyment&excitement that we can share with a friends is cannot be replaced by family, cause for me, the presence of family&friends&colleagues are different, they hv their own portion in my life to complete me. without any of em, feel like theres smthg missing. and i find that i can't communicate with my friends thats overseas which in indo, we're getting far far and far away. time, assignment, school, etc would be such an obstacle for us to communicate. hard isn't? moreover, the other hard life in here is my school. i chose to study culinary of arts in le cordon bleu. thought it was easy and enjoying, but it doesn't turned that way. it is hard as hell!!! can u imagine, me 18th years old girl competing with 25 years above individuals that got so many experience in kitchen? sometimes i feel like a shit in kitchen. they're fast, automatic, and knowledgeable. they're similar with robot who runs their ingredients in kitchen like tiny biny wity matter, bam, done! food served! while me? lame, slow, unknowledgeable, etc. created nice&tasty dishes thou, but not as qualified as them. sad? down? unpassionate? stress? absolutely my dear. i even think why i would i waste my business school in university into a hell place like this. but what can i say? i still love food. while i know in the industry i gotta struggle with it if i want move forward and hv a great restaurants someday. also, do u know that every break that i hv in my school is only 30 mins? i don't even hv enough time to eat, so sometimes i don't eat at all for all day long. sick isn't? being chef such a torturement. but when food served in the front of tutor chef happiness surrounds me, especially when they give compliment to my food. but, wait guys, my world is not that worse until yesterday. yesterday was totally a bad day. got left by bus, run to my college, got late come to class&kitchen, did smthg wrong in the kitchen, got mad by chef, didn't serve my prawn due to the lack of time, crying in front of chef, left my wallet in the locker (which have subtance of money, bus cards, and apartment key). the worst worst worst day ever in my life. it made me cry all night long and dropped my mood for almost 2 days. well, thats the brief story of my life here. find smthg exciting yet? nahhh! T_T but i hope my life will get better soon as time goes by. keep positive dear me! :)

Departure Day

☑ visa ☑ flight ticket

so...
im going to leave next wednesday (26/9/2012), destination syd-australia, quantas airlines, flight at 8.30 PM from soekarno-hatta airport jkt.

One Step Forward to My New Life (2)

Malem ini Dr. Dyah ngabarin kalo hasil medical check up untuk visa udh kekirim dan hasil nya ok. Arti nya ga di temuin apa2 di badan gue!! Yeaaaay!! Seneeeng bgt. Tau knp? Krn dr kmrn2 gue udh bbrp hari batuk dan gue takut bgt smp kediagnosa which is itu bs menghambat visa gue. Dan yg plg bkn deg2 an kmrn pas gue mau ronsen tiba2 ada slim yg mau keluar dr mulut gue tp gue telen krn suster udh nyuruh ganti baju. Akhir nya gue di ronsen dgn ada slim di tenggorokan gue. Dikit sih. Tp tetep aja gue takut bgt bkln gagal brgkt hanya krn itu aja. Gosh. Gila gila gila. Kl inget kejadian itu emg nyesekin abis. Trs kmrn gue ngakuin sm nykp gue trs gue dimarahin bangeeet smp gue skt kepala. Gue jd parno dan pasrah. Tapi gue berdoa td pagi sm Tuhan mohon bgt dikasi jalan. Dan ga nyangka bgt mlm ini tiba2 Dr. Dyah ngabarin kalo gue pass the medical check up. Seneng to the core. Makasi Banyak Tuhan. One step closer to my departure day.

Forever in Silence

ketika isi hati tak dapat menyampaikan kepada dunia perasaan yang terpendam, biarlah hanya Tuhan yang tahu dan mendengar apa isi hati itu. ketika manusia tidak bisa berkomunikasi satu sama lain, biar Tuhan lah yang menyampaikan pesan itu. karena Tuhan maha tau dan Dia mendengar hati orang-orang yg menangis menjerit meminta tolong kepada-Nya. memang semua membutuh kan waktu, tapi biar lah waktu yang mengungkap kan segala nya.

My Statement

Ngomong itu ga semudah ngelakuin. Bukan bermaksud mau muna atau sok baik. Tapi ini adalah pengalaman pribadi gue yg gue alamin. Di dlm setiap kejadian ada yg nama nya kondisi. Kondisi dimana kita ga bs ngontrol orang lain. Di saat terjadi kejadian yg ga mengenakkan, manusia cenderung berbuat hal2 yg ga diingin kan, entah itu marah, nyakitin hati org dgn kata2 pedes, ato pun macem2 bentuk nya. Tapi, they said yang paling penting adalah pengendalian diri, yg biasa di sebut juga self-control. Gue msh dlm tahap belajar mengontrol diri dalam setiap kejadian yg ga gue inginkan and i gotta say itu literally ga mudah. Buat gue ini adalah hal yg paling susah. Ga mgkn manusia bisa baik dan bener setiap saat, ada saat nya kita salah, ya mgkn kt gapunya niat buruk, tp krn kondisi kt jadi ga baik ato bs org sebut khilaf. Itu wajar sih. Gue pribadi, jujur selalu kepancing, tp begitu sadar gue coba untuk back on track&kontrol lg diri gue. Dan gue bener2 ga terima org yg berusaha berubah tp di judge munafik or sok baik. Dr buruk jd baik itu memang memerlukan waktu. Dan ketika pun lo udh jadi baik, masih ada byk kemungkinan lo bisa buat salah. Mau berapa pun umur lo. Karena semua manusia emg ga mgkn bs sempurna, kesempurnaan itu jelas milik Tuhan. Yang penting adalah saat kita udh mulai menyadari kita mulai salah dan menyimpang atau belok dari jalur kita, kita harus cepet2 balik on track. Jgn nekat. Krn kalo kita tetep aja nekat, kita harus terima konsekuensi dari perbuatan kita.

Leaving Soon

Hi. Ini udh tgl 12. Diperkirakan gue akan pergi akhir september. Blm tau sih tgl brp, tp yg pst tgl 20 an. Trs, beberapa hari ini gue ngeliat keadaan kaya beda aja. Rasa nya kaya hawa2 pgn ninggalin jakarta tuh udh kerasa banget. Ya scr gue dari dulu ga pernah merasa bakalan pindah gitu, gue selalu mikir "ah masih lama, ah masih nanti, gapapa santai aja" wakaka bodoh ya? Giliran akhir-akhir ini baru ngerasa mau pergi beneran. Well, gue juga blm dpt visa sih hahaha dan medical check up aja belom. Tapi, kalo dapet ya tgl 22 ato 29 gue udh pasti berangkat, scr sklh gue mulai tgl 4 october. Mana skrg gue kena flu lg, aaa bahaya buat medcheckup T_T tp flu ringan sih dan udh mendingan yeay dan berharap bsk sembuh krn mgkn gue medical check up tgl 14 ini, which is 2 hari lagi. So, at that day gue hrs sembuh total dan super fit! Semoga medcheckup berjalan lancar dan cpt dpt visa!!! But then, skrg yang gue rasain ya tuh pgn nya coba2 mkn di tmpt yg gue blm prnh, nntn byk movies di bioskop, sm beli banyaaak dvds, tp semua org sibuk hu jd gada yg nemenin, yaudah ntr kali ya sama kakak gue aja ngelakuin nya melihat waktu gue yg udh super mepet :') Oh ya, lalu td nykp udh suruh milih-milih baju dan siapin list obat-obat yg mau di bawa. Woopsi, brgkt msh 2 minggu lg tp udh di suruh siap2. Itu bener2 nyadarin gue bntr lg bakal beneran pergi. Siap ga siap hrs sihhh. Jadi mulai bsk udh harus buat list-list brg yg mau dibawa dan dibeli!

Another Blessing : One Step Forward to New Life

Setelah penantian panjang, saya mendapatkan sebuah hasil. Satu langkah telah terlewati lagi untuk memulai hidup baru. Ya, saya akui hasil itu memang belum sempurna, bahkan jauh dari ekspektasi saya. Tapi, saya dapet proses nya. Semua itu telah membentuk saya menjadi kezia yang baru. Kerja keras, derai air mata, kesedihan, kesusahan, kegalauan, kesabaran, rasa lelah dan letih, dsb selama lebih dari 1 tahun telah berhasil banyak mengubah saya. 

"Terimakasih Tuhan, hari-hari berat itu sudah terlewati, akhir nya Engkau mengabulkan harapan&doa-ku sekarang. Hampir semua doa ku yang kupanjatkan satu-satu sekarang mulai terpenuhi. Rasa nya begitu besar kasih-Mu dalam hidupku."

Mungkin orang lain menganggap itu hal biasa, tapi sejujur nya buat ku itu tidak. Tiap hari baru yang Tuhan berikan adalah anugerah. Dan ketika saya bisa merasakan apa yang nama nya kesusahan dari posisi berkelimpahan dan mulai kembali diberi berkat serta kenikmatan, saya akan lebih bisa menghargai apa yang saya miliki. Tak ada lagi dalam kamus saya menganggap remeh hidup atas pelajaran-pelajaran yang Tuhan beri. Walau saat ini saya merasa sudah berusaha banyak, tetapi nyata nya saya masih jauh dari sempurna, namun, saya percaya, suatu saat kerja keras saya akan membuah kan hasil. Saya tetap ingin belajar banyak dan ga akan berhenti berusaha sampai saya bisa mencapai target yang tinggi, yang bisa dipandang orang. Saya ingin berjuang sampai titik darah penghabisan agar saya bisa sukses seperti orang-orang hebat di luar sana. Dan saya gamau menyerah untuk itu semua, sampai saya mencapai apa yang saya ingin kan. 

"Ya Bapa, ajar saya untuk bisa rendah hati menerima segala cobaan yang datang. Sehingga, jika suatu saat saya mencapai sukses, hanya nama-Mu lah yang dimuliakan. Dan saya memohon agar Tuhan memberikan segala kelancaran untuk semua jalan yang akan saya tempuh. Sekali lagi, terimakasih Bapa untuk segala berkat-Mu, saya sangat senang hari ini :-)"

Hampir Salah Jurusan

hi! mau berbagi pengalaman dong! so, gue kmrn hbs nanya sm tmn gue yg cewe ttg bgmn sebuah hubungan bs trjd as boyfriend and girlfriend ahaha weird topic sih but im way too curious. gue penasaran gmn sih relationship happen, is it that simple or bertele tele or gmn sih? hm ya scr gue ga prnh pacaran gt dan gue sll merasa gue ga menarik kl dijadiin pacar sm syp pun wakaka, dan mnrt my point of view sih cewe yg biasa nya punya cowo tuh cantik, kurus ato pkk nya punya look bgs dehhh. nah tp tmn gue ini yg gue tanyain tuh ga cantik, even fat, also black hahaha trs shes like over confident gt deh, well, dia funny sih, but oftenly i found her lebay. not trying to insult her ya, tp im curious aja, shes never been single browww. gimane gue ga kepo. gimana tuh cara nya hahaha. trs doi blg ada cara nya, hah like howww!? tambah bkn gue curious aja lo wakaka. hm, dia gamau ngasitau sih cara nya -_- tp saat itu mulai deh doi curcol sm gue. like, dia  mantan nya byk lah, prnh selingkuh lah, temen cowo ada lah, gebetan jg ada, macem2 deh. first of all gue udh mikir dia bitch sih, but then gue mikir masa iya? ternyata stlh gue mikir2 lg based on facts, doi emg bitch hahahaha. hadeh, im not that kind of girl bgt deh. ude ude beda aliran ga mgkn bs cari knowledge dr doi. scr doi blg, dia tipe cewe yg kl punya temen cowo ya temen, kl gebetan ya gebetan. so, she never passed the limit. dan gue? gue tipe org yg butuh waktu untuk fall for someone. gabs suka dlm sekejap. crush maybe yes, but love? need time. dan gue tipe org yg bs fall hard for someone who is really2 nice. i could fall to my friends or best friends. ya hrs nya gaboleh sih kt org, but who cares? i wanna be with someone that i feel comfortable with. trs ya doi blg, dia tipe org yg bosenan. sementara gue, tipe org yg kl udh syg ya pasti sayang bgttt. gausah sama pacar (emg gapunya wakaka), gue sama sahabat aja syg bgttt. so, as u see, beda bgt kan kt? beda jurusan bgt!!! hahaha overall sih message dr post ini ya gue gktau hrs nunggu brp lama lg untuk nemu org yg klop. tp gue ga akan merubah pendirian gue buat jadi kezia yg nunggu for the right person to come, eh wait2 my mr right not must be perfect loh (scr gue jg kaga! hahaha), but someone who fits for me and wants to accept me for the who i am. thats all! :p

Super Effective Cardio Tips!

Some of my friends asked me how to lose weight fast. Well, the answer is by running frequently. I also do rpm and body combat in order to lose weight fast, but in case ur not a member of any fitness centres, the easiest way to lose fat is by run. For u who hates to run in outdoor can use treadmill, which is my favourite cardio machine too. So, lemme start to give u my tips in treadmill!

Picture above shown my result after ran for 30 minutes. As u can see from picture above the total of calories i burned is 160 kcal and the distance i reached is 3,27 km.

                                         So, heres the tips to do that.  
Firstly, u hv to walk fast in the first 5 minutes by speed 5,5 km/hr. Secondly, in the minutes 6 until 25, u have to run a little bit by increase ur speed into 6,5 km/hr. Lastly, in the last 5 minutes, u have to run by increase ur speed more into 8.0 km/hr.

Also don't forget to bring water and towel when ure about to run. U will need to drink frequently every 5 minutes to keep u strong&fit. Moreover, water is an important part of running, u can't neglect it, because u must drink to prevent dehydration!!! Ohya, and towel, u will need it to wipe ur sweat. If ure not using towel, i guaranteed the sweat will distract ur concentration while running and also gives u an itchy sore.

Once ure following my tips, u will feel the difference in ur body, its like a magic that gives shape in ur body. At first u will feel pain all over ur body, but then because u get a good result, u will addicted by running.

Honestly, gotta say, its not an easy thing to do. Even me, i always struggling with this. This is always killing me, but i always to force myself to do that. Well, if u really2 want to lose weight, theres a thing u gotta sacrifice for. Remember, beauty is pain :)

Table of Memories

Table of memories. Just made it few days ago in my room. Photos of me from baby til grown up.

Just in case my room will empty someday&no one use it, the memories will not. Also, i hope when I'm gone, every person who sees those pics will not forget me&miss me :')

Lonely

semua org sibuk, semua org pergi, dan bener2 ga meninggalkan jejak. gue kesepian sendiri. gue berusaha menghubungi, tp di cuekin. yasudah lah mmg nasib unt kesepian kali ya. terima aja. ga akan lg berusaha menghubungi syp pun. thanks for the lesson unt bljr independen. oh ya, dpt lesson satu lg, yaitu lebih baik cuek drpd perhatian, dijamin ga bakalan sakit hati. bye.

They are Leaving

Its sad to see ur friends one by one starting to disappear, especially the close ones. They move to another country for good. They are not leaving permanently, but as u can see, u will not meet them in a very2 long time. I may don't know in the next few years ahead they are still same as the old one or not. I oftenly find the akward feeling/moment between me and some of my friends when we already long time not seeing each other. Therefore when they're gone, I'm afraid that they will starting to forget about me or maybe our relationship will be not as close as it was.

Yesterday, three of my close friends was leaving. Its sad. Truly I'm sad. I can no longer meet them anytime, cannot hear their voice whenever i need to, cannot chat all the time, etc. But, i have to let them go, they're gone for good. So, mates, see u in another chance yap? I will miss u guys so much. Thankyou for being an awesome part of my life <3 <3 <3

                          My latest pics with them

With Didit&Pupa. Didit is leaving to Phillipine. He's gonna be a pilot. And Puspa, she hasn't left yet, but next week she's going to UK. They are my best partners everrr in ws! Whenever with them, i literally can't stop laughing. Love them to the core {}

With Susan. She's leaving to China-Beijing to study mandarin language. She's gonna take bachelor degree in Aussie-Syd on feb intake, see u in Syd cuciii!

With Gitta. She's leaving to Holland. Idk when we will meet again Git, but i hope asap, kay? Miss u gittt, its been a while we are not sharing&laughing together :(

Well, i only can wish bunch of lucks to u guysss, see u again in another chance. Love-u-all-o-so-much :* {}

Self-control

Banyak banget hal gue yg pgn gue wujud in, tp sll gabs krn byk halangan. Rasa nya pgn teriak dan berontak. Tapi gaboleh. Krn gue tau konskuensi nya. Rasa nya kesabaran gue skrg bener2 diuji sm yg diatas. Bisa ga gue keep on track dgn niat baik gue yg udh gue janjiin sm Tuhan, atau mengingkari nya dgn membuat kesalahan kecil yg bs berakibat fatal.

Tuhan, tolong beri saya keteguhan dan kesabaran untuk menjalani hari2 yg ga mudah dan berat ini, amin.

Guilty Feeling to My Dearest Friends

Didit sm Gitta bntr lg brgkt, hbs itu minggu dpn puspa. Gue gktau knp merasa bersalaaah bgt sm didit puspa dan dhana krn kmrn gabs jln brg. Sementara, gue jg merasa bersalah sm gitta jg krn udh lama bgttt ga ktm&kmrn dia udh ngundang gue ke farewell nya sementara kt ga bs ngmng&foto byk, trs gue plg cpt krn udh di jmpt. Tp gue merasa brslh terutama sm didit. Hes been so nice to me, trs pas dia mau cao gue gada. What kind of good friend am i, dit? I am truly2 sorry. Gue punya keterbatasan. Supir gue lg gada dan bokap yg nganter. Ga mgkn bgt gue minta dia nganterin ke semua tujuan gue. Dan sorry bgt ya dit&pus kt gkjd ke bandung brg wkt itu, gue smp skrg jujur msh gaenak bgt. Seandai nya dit gue bs menebus kesalahan gue, plis apapun yg gue bs jangkau sblm lo brgkt :''') jujur gue sedih bgt lo cabut :( lo bro gue yg plg baik hu. Please jgn benci atopun sebel ya sm gue kalian. Baik didit, puspa, maupun gitta. In my heart, i love u guys bgt {}

Wake Up Call

hi. skrg adlh jam 11 mlm. gue hbs mengalami hari yg cukup capek dan tidak mengenak kan, knp? lemme start from my activities today. hari ini gue ke pim-gym, salon, dan gitta's farewell. jadi supir gue libur slm seminggu krn mudik. hal yg bkn gue plg gaenak adlh bokap yg anter jemput. i feel bad for him. ga pantes sih sbnr nya he did such thing for me. cmn buat ktm temen2 doang loh :( gosh, i do feel really2 bad. terlebih, sepanjang perjalanan both of us silent. no talking at all. itu bkn gue tambah merasa buruk, seakan akan I'm using him as my driver. hv u ever felt like that for ur entire life? if u hv, u know how i feel at that time. horrible. tapi, krn kt diem, sepanjang perjalanan gue jd mikir. mikir byk. merefleksikan apa aja yg tlh gue buat slm ini dan cara unt memperbaiki nya. mengingat waktu gue yg tinggal sebulan di jakarta kl Tuhan mengijinkan gue brgkt akhir september. mulai dari apa yg gue buat ke keluarga, org2 terdekat, dan teman.

gue mengakui kl gue ini sbnr nya careless, egois, dan self-centre. dari awal, gue hidup sbg anak manja yg segala nya berkecukupan, terlebih gue anak terkecil yg plg srg mendapat kan semua keinginan gue. tapi hdp gue berubah 180 derajat like I've told u before on my previous post. skrg semua serba sulit unt gue. hal2 itu apa, ga akan gue post dsn krn the list is way too much&private. but trust me, those things are really2 difficult to face. gue merasa gue udh byk prihatin spy Tuhan bs ngabulin doa gue, tp tetep blm di jwb2 sm Tuhan. mmg, nyata nya stlh gue merenung, kl di compare sm org2 lain, prihatin gue tuh blm ada apa2 nya. bener2 cmn setengah kali ya? ato mgkn cmn seperempat. gue msh aja ngeliat ke atas, bkn ngeliat ke bwh.

dan hal yg plg plg plg buruk dr gue adlh gue merasa seringkali, gue yg hrs di perhatiin sm org2. pdhl? everybody's concern is not me. like they hv their own life too. td gue bertanya sm diri gue sndr, kalo gue disakitin sm org, knp gue hrs benci dan gasuka sm dia? hellooo? its life. gue tersadar, org2 terdekat gue aja yg super super super dekeeet bs nyakitin gue. well, mgkn mrk ga sadar krn itu hal sepele, tp buat gue yg skrg super sensitif ini, gue ngerasa kesel. how come, dude? how come? krg apa gue sm lo? semua yg lo mau gue belain buat lo. what did i do wrong? sedih bgt smp speechless. duh rite now, that person makes me feel like my life get worsen and worsen. wait, itu pikiran gue td. tp stlh gue dpt hikmah nya, gue mikir. kl yg superrr deket aja ga aware sm gue apalagi yg cuman deket ato biasa? yakinnn 100% they won't give a damn. thats how life goes. saat perenungan gue itu, gue jd inget kata2 lydia. motto dia itu adlh 'give more, expect less, live simply'. dor! serasa gue tertembak sm kata2 itu. kpn gue berbuat itu unt keluarga? duh sedikiiiiiiit bgt, malah kl bs gue yg dikasih byk. sahabat? iya tp ga fully contributed, why? krn gue msh berharap byk dr mrk stlh gue ngasih byk. temen? duh apalagi boro2, mlh kl tmn gue mau nya mrk yg do smthg for me, bkn gue yg do smthg for them. see? how selfish i am. dan kalo lo pikir, lo ngasih trs lo ga di bls budi sm org lain itu adlh hal yg sgt2 tdk bs ditolerir, lo salah besar. krn teman, bahkan sahabat, dan bahkannn keluarga ga mgkn seimbang dlm hal memberi dan diberi. pasti ada slh satu dr org tsb yg ngalah dan yg gatau diri.

so, start from now on, gue mau jadi org yg ngalah itu. terlepas dari semua kesalahan org2 yg udh mrk perbuat sm gue, baik itu temen, sahabat, maupun keluarga. gue mau maafin mrk sepenuh nya dan buka lembaran baru. gue mau berbuat semampu&sebaik baik nya yg gue bs unt org2 di sekitar gue, walaupun gue tau mrk ga akan bls hal itu sama dgn gue. and maybe its my wake up call, from God. its time to forgive all ppl that hv done wrong to me. gue literally, mau jd kezia yg bs ngikutin motto nya lydia. maybe itu bkln hurt so baddd dan ga mudah, tp skrg udh saat nya buat gue unt bljr melakukan hal itu di saat gue udh menyadari&merefleksikan itu. terlebih jika gue melakukan hal itu dgn iklhas & sungguh2, gue percaya this strong words;

'ada saat nya ketika kesabaran dan ketekunan membuahkan penghasilan.' 

thanksGod for another reflections that u gave me. hv a blessed day everyone :)

Ambition

gue-desperate-pgn-kurus-bgt :O

Penyesalan yang Terlambat

Hi. Setelah mendengar lagu, menonton, dan membaca bbrp tulisan, gue tersadar. Tersadar akan apa? Mgkn blh di blg tersadar kl gue takut mencintai. Dr dulu gue ga prnh mau mengakui dr awal kl gue syg sm seseorg. Syp pun itu. Smp akhir nya terlambat. Dan gue br menyadari gue syg org itu stlh dia punya pasangan/lost contact. Bodoh ya? Tp jujur, gue smp skrg ga prnh confident dgn fisik dan otak gue. Dan gue plg plg plg bgt takut ditolak. Gatau knp. Mgkn trauma kl ya? Tapi gue mau janji skrg, kl suatu saat dtg org yg tepat dan gue bener2 syg sm dia, gue akan mengakui hal itu dan ga membuang kesempatan itu lg.

Penantian

pernah gasih lo jealous? sama couple. bkn couple biasa, tp yg spesial gt. jujur gue paling jealous sama cewe yg bisa dapetin cowo super baik. dan tadi gue liat salah satu temen gue yg beruntung itu sama cowo nya yg super nice. gue jealous. sorry, krn itu adalah impian gue dari dulu. yap, punya pacar yg berkarakter super baik plus sayang nya sama gue tulus. bkn krn gue suka sm cowo nya, engga haha tp krn gue pgn punya cowo yg super baik ky dia. smp kpn ya gue hrs nunggu, hu sedih bgt deh. jujur, itu adalah penantian sepanjang hidup gue loh. well, just saying.

This kid's face is similar with me when i was child HAHA

Officially Addicted to Snake Leather!

Aaa love those things so muchhh! :3

I just bought the wallets, but the bag is not new, its mine wihi. I will collect snake leather accecories from now on. Well, if u want to give me some gift, better to give me some accecories with snake leather+shocking colour wihihi i will truly love it!

 *kidding, but if u give i me, i will not refuse it, LOL* ;)

Failed? Try again!

It doesn't matter I failed a hundred times, i'll try again.

Im telling my self that i will never quit, whenever I'm failed, ill try again again and again. I will keep on trying no matter how hard it is and no matter how many my failure is. Cause i believe someday God will grant all my wishes. I will also never stop trying and believing, because God has ears and He has power to do anything. So, I strongly believe, with God, all things are possible.

In addition, i got this bbm from tante lina this morning:

"Good Morning,

Segala sesuatu yg terjadi dlm kehidupan kita sdh ada dlm rancangan NYA, jadi tetap berdoa dan berharap, apapun yg kita alami Allah tdk pernah meninggalkan mu. Pencobaan-pencobaan yang kamu alami ialah pencobaan-pencobaan biasa, yang tidak melebihi kekuatan manusia. Sebab Allah setia dan karena itu Ia tidak akan membiarkan kamu dicobai melampaui kekuatanmu. Pada waktu kamu dicobai Ia akan memberikan kepadamu jalan ke luar, sehingga kamu dapat menanggungnya. (1kor12) 
Tuhan Yesus Memberkatimu."

Yap, God always give me a way out whenever I have problems. Like unexpectedly. For me, those kind of things are called blessing. Therefore, never stop believing. He always keep His promises and His promises are real.

One thing for sure, Im so grateful I have God like Jesus, He is truly my saviour. I could not imagine how my life could be without Him. Thanks God for Ur presence in my life :)

            - Quote of the day,"When one door closed, another one is open." -

Mom's Bday!

Hey, now my mom is 56 years old! :)

Its 12:30 AM now. So, i want to share my story about my mom's bday. It was yesterday which is 30 minutes ago actually hahaha.

I can say yesterday was quiet productive day and my feeling for yesterday was happy-not-happy haha. So lemme begin the story, here we go!

My day started when my sister woke me up. She said, 'hey its mum's bday!' Sooo i woke up immediately and both of us ran into mom's room. Mom was praying and we waited until she finished. After she finished praying, both of us said 'happy bday' while kissed&hugged her. Btw, I was planning to made her a red velvet cake, but mom said that i don't need to, in case that she has high cholesterol nowadays. Therefore, she asked accompanying her at that day to go to several places and i said yes.

Our destinations yesterday were sensei's house for mom medication therapy, my sister's university, GI, and PP.

Forget the boring stories, so im gonna start with the exciting part which is from GI.

In GI we were planning to hv lunch, complete as whole family, well, in fact, it failed. Daddy can't make it because he was busy with his work. Therefore, i hv an idea to took them to Magnum Cafe. So we enjoyed the lunch time with the desserts wihihi~ I was glad, really i did. Heres pics of us.

This is dessert that i ordered. Red velvet cake with strawberry magnum, cherries, and chocolate sauce. Yummm! :9

This is pic of mum&me

This is my sister

After that, because we thought we want to eat with dad, we went to pp which is near to daddy's office, so he could join us.

When we arrived at PP, it was about 4-5 PM which is time for ppl who fasting about to eat, so almost every single restaurants that we visited at that time was fully booked. U-ooo disaster. So we walked around two levels to find a restaurant, yet it failed hahaha. Mom was so desperate and she wanted to go home or drink&wait at some place to get our favourite restaurant. So, i took them to Kem Chick, in purpose to wasting time there. However, there's Kenny Rogger's in Kem Chick, and we got our seats to eat there, well, we end up eating there hahaha they way too hungry :p after we ate, I was wondering 'shud i make cake or not, its late night?' Therefore, I decided to buy a cake. Fyi, maqui's now open in PP! So i bought maqui's cheese cake considering that its cheap and tasted like heaven mihihi~

After our business finished PP, we directly went home. Psttt psttt, at those time, mom didn't know that i bought her cake, because I was about to surprise her.

When we arrived at home, I was planning to surprise mom with the cake i bought, however, i didn't hv any bday candles. In case my sister needed to photocopy her stuffs, i asked her to buy some bday candles. Unexpectedly, when she arrived home, she bought me wrong candles, even wrong numbers, arghhh so pissed with her that time!!! 

The most stupid thing is she bought bday candles number 9 not 6. Arghhh, dummy. 

And the most annoying part is no one helped me preparing mom's cake. Even my sister!!! She was pissed of because I mad at her T_T. 

Well, so i thought time is running&i cannot wasting time anymore. Finally, ALONE,  I've got to find some bday candles at home and made number 6 by turn around the up side&bottom side of the candle. Its not easy thou. My finger got knife and my hand almost burned while creating number 6. Pathetic right?! They went to upstairs, all of em T_T. So when I'm done with creating all those stuffs in the downstairs, i lighted the fire into the candles, and try to carried the cake&camera by myself to upstairs, but i can't so i called my annoying sister. Yap in this crucial part, she only helped me at that time. Aaa annoying! :( But nvrmind. So at 11 PM, which is last hour for her bday, we arrived at mom's room, i directly sang happy bday and asked mum to make a wish&blow the candles. She was happy!!! Also, I made it to surprise her, even it was at 11 PM, thou it still her bday. Awweee~ I'm glad! My handwork kinda paid off :) I asked my sis to took all the pics MUAHAHA, but then she asked me to took some too T_T. 

However, over all I'm glad. Why? Cause my mom happy and the rest of my fam too :) Once again happy bday mom!!! :*

Here's our pics in home.

me&bday mom!

me&annoying sis hahaha

my fammm!

supper yummy maqui's cheese cake

the hero of the day, which is me hahaha *labeling myself* :p

again, me&mum

again, again, me&mum

last but not least, lovable kiss from me to the bday mummm

The message from this post is that i always sad each year because I'm the one who always excited of birthdays. In my family, mostly they are careless about birthdays. So I'm always the one who arranges everything for the birthdays. Hopefully in the next year ahead they change, cause i think its quiet important to concern about other ppl feeling, esp family member, helooo? Cause its a special day! So pls pls pls ohhh pls i want them to change. Moreover, what if I'm gone to somewhere else? Who's gonna in charge for family bday party? :(

My-Long-Holiday-Problems

Hi! Its been a while I'm not writing in english language and also, i think i lost my inspiration on writing. Yeah, idk why. But nevermind. So how u guys been doing? I think its quite great for most of u. I saw many of my friends posting their pics in fb like a looot and it seems they're enjoying their holiday. Yap, i guess big time. Not like me, enjoying my holiday in a little amount of time comparing to them. Got no maid, got no much money, and still can't drive the car by my self. Wala! How sad is my holiday? I hv shortage amount of time&money ha-ha-ha. Since my mom is quite mean nowadays and she doesn't give me much freedom because of the problems above, i hv to find a way out. Okay, so i have some resolutions for my problems.
Firstly, i hv to learn how to drive a car. Hopefully this week or next week. Immidiatelly! As soon as possible! I do hate hv limitation on time. My mom&dad are way so old. Hate their excuses to mad at me when i late arrive at home. Moreover, I want to be free&independent! Well.. Actually, in another words, i don't wanna pay for my driver over time hahaha, such a wasting of money :p
Secondly, i hv to sell bunchhh of cakes! After i do my research&trial of my cakes, i will promote it again. Idc if i hv to broadcast my cakes thru bbm, i need money to shop forgot sake!!!
Lastly, hope to get a maid soon. Why 'hope to' and not 'hv to'? Cause i can't find one or do anything about it. Hello, where shud i find it??? Mom said after lebaran there will be a maid. Duh, hope so, but its like i hv to wait it for centuries. Im gonna departure btw, so I'm not really put a big hope into it. But, i can't deny i miss the presence of a maid! Like, literally my life perfect when they around :')

What Big Girls Do

im a big girl. i dont waste my time to cry over the past. i get up and do something.

Life Goals

I will never stop running and workout until i get the body i want. Same as, I will never stop trying and praying until i reach my success. 


Time will tell, we never know future. Keep believing, have a faith, and do a BIG effort. Success starts from dreams :)

Bitter Fact

the spoiled girl has grown up become a mature girl, but her mother never realized it, so every efforts that she has done to make her mum happy is useless

#God #prayer #hope #faith

Dear God, if i lose hope please help me to remember that Ur plans are better than mine. -via @fricilia

Unimportant Flash Info About Me

holaaa~ udah lama ya gue ga nge post. yup, because.. well, one word for me which is males hahaha. rite now I'm having my super long looong holiday. eits, but its not as fun as u thought. gue lagi sibuk jadi babu, ngurusin badan, bljr english at wsi, dan pasti nya ielts preparation for next week ielts test. huhaaa cipiii bgttt. btw gue lg break bentar dr kegiatan menjual kue gue. bkn krn gue nyetop sih hahaha emg lg gada pesenan :') wakaka well, maybe emg Tuhan sengaja kali ya nyetop dulu sementara smp ielts test gue sls. kalo ga gt gue gada wkt buat bljr soal nyahhh. doh, tinggal seminggu lg nih guys. gue dag dig duerrr. gue pgn dpt band 7 soal nya huahaha. wanna make me and my mum proud. seenggak nya jd dia ga merendah kan otak gue bgt2 kan ya :p doh pliiis dong i wanna be smart girl. kaya nya those smart girls tuh keren bgt dan pujaan para pria wakaka. hm lately gue ngerasa gue bener2 such a fool. rasa nya ky org ga berpengetahuan gt loh. well, it doesn't mean im that fool but kalo udh lama nganggur gt kali ya emg rasa nya. manalagi gue ky suka ngerasa kesepian gt loooh kl liburan. trus tiap hari ketemu nya malah my mom mulu yg suppper cerewet hahaha dikit2 ngomel kl rmh kotor, embak eja which is gue sampe puyeng hahaha. kalo udh gt ya gue capek bgt ngelakuin self defence, yaudah gue dengerin aja my bawel mom smp kuping gue panas, ntr kl mum udh sls ngmng, gue rendem kuping gue di kmr mandi biar adem lg *yakaliii* huahaha gadeng hbs drpd berantem trs diancem setop uang jajan + transport sm gajadi ke aussie, kan bs berabe my life~ hoho. untung loh untung my lovely sistah si calon drg jg lg libur smp september. wohoo jd ga ngebabu sndr deh, kt jd gotong royong gitu. tp suer loh skrg sahabat gue adlh bbm. well, ga serame dulu sih. isi nya ya itu2 aja. tapi ya tapi gt deh anak2 uniprep gabut yg msh di jkt pd menghilang. sumpah jahat bgt kalian :'( udhlah goodbye aje hu. cmn tmn2 super deket gonji, katek, dan ws yg msh bbm in gue teyus huu. hm yaudahlah gpp drpd gada sm skl yegak? hahaha. trs krn skg gada kerjaan nya tiap hari gue ws gt deeeh sm skrg pindah fitness di celfit pim gue jadi #foreverpim :') well yaudsiii gpp yg penting pinter english sm cepet kurus. seneng siiih di ws byk ktm new friends dan di celfit jd suka gym brg tmn, tapi yg ganteng mana woy haha *tabok diri sendiri* #lonelymodeon. lately gue juga galau mulu, napa ya? apa gue haus? haus akan apa woy? buat yg deket gue dan bs baca pikiran gue pasti tau, gue udh bkn lg haus lg tp seret hahaha udh ah capek ya ngurusin lovelife, mending jalanin aja semua dan biarkan semua nya mengalir spt air. focus with the priority things ajaaa. urusin otak sm sklh lo dulu tuh keeez, yg lain blkg an. sm #sekilasinfo nih, kalo ada yg mau sm gue dan gue cocok ayoook yuk, kl engga ya yaudah *loh?!* lmyn loh unt teman slm mengisi liburan di jkt hahaha gadeeeng cmn canda doang woy. yakale serius ish haha. ciao!

#FavouriteQuote2

Whatever happens in our lives is what’s supposed to happen. That’s what I try to believe, but no one can prove that’s the truth. Life is uncertain. Sometimes it takes you down roads you never ever thought you would go, ones that make you wanna turn around and start over. But sometimes the uncertainty leads you exactly where you need to be; it helps you discover yourself and makes you that much more wise. It can be the worst thing, or it can be the greatest thing. However, the pathways are not put infront of you to follow. They are in your heart; they always have been. Cause at some point, we all have to listen to what our heart is saying. We can try to block it out and forget about it, but sooner or later a day is gonna come where it speaks louder than words. That’s when we need to come to acceptance, gather our missing pieces, and leave the ones that don’t fit. That’s when we begin the journey. But see, we can’t just follow our heart. We have to chase it.-via: Tumblr.

#FavouriteQuote

Silence is the best answer you can give to an issue. What’s the use of admitting or denying when in the first place you are already judged. 
-via: Tumblr

FACT!

                           The picture and the sentence above its totally true. 

Couldn't agree more with the statement above. Based on my experience, everytime i lost my weight my life is getting more and more awesome. Well, I've just lost my weight again. And do u know what i feel? Amazing. Since i lost my weight, i can wear many kinds of clothes. Also, guys around me pay more attention on me. I start to feel confidence in a public, especially in a guys world. I never felt as happy as now. All my life, I've been waiting for a moment like this. My hardwork to become thinner is paid off. But, wait... I haven't finished yet. There is still 9 or 8 kgs to go. Im totally sure, when i reach my goal, everything would be so much perfect than this. I can wear any kinds of clothes and maybe i can get the man of my dream. Therefore, I can't wait to reach the finish line.

Blessing In Disguise

Gue gatau kenapa ya, rasa nya beberapa tahun ini terasa berat banget. Dulu tuh kaya nya semua nya gampaaang banget. Apa yang gue mau selalu ada di depan mata gue. Apa yang gue mau selalu terkabul dalam sekejap. Kaya nya hidup tuh indah banget hahaha. Mau nakal dikit ato males2 an ky gmn pun tetep jalan nya mulus dan orang tua gue selow. Sadly, it was. Tapi skrg? Yailah boro2 nyet. Hidup gue berubah hampir 180 derajat. Gue kira tuh dulu hidup gampang ya, omaigadhhh ternyata tahun2 terakhir ini itu membuktian pikiran gue salah loh. Its totally wrong.

Hidup itu susah, hidup itu keras, dan butuh perjuangan. 

Well, pertama nya gue gatau kenapa, tapi gue rasa skrg gue tau knp. Ini mungkin karena doa dari orangtua gue, terutama nyokap. Gue lately suka ngerasa, kenapa sih hdp gue lately susaaah banget. Kaya gue ngelakuin sesuatu, mati2 an tp the result itu ga reach my target. Like i said before, maybe itu krn its not what i want the most in my life, gue ngelakuin itu hanya sekedar ngelakuin unt nyenengin org tua. Like something u do, without a purpose. Ya gue mikir nya, mgkn dr sana ntr ada jalan nya buat wujud in impian gue buka restoran, which is in the real life its not that easy dari sini ke sana trs ke sono locat2 gt kaya kutu.

Secondly, Tuhan maybe mau bentuk gue dengan cara nya Dia, karena jujur gue orang yg susah untuk dikasitau bahkan kadang keras, sampe2 kdg orang tua gue angkat tangan, dan mungkin mereka berdoa sama Tuhan supaya bikin gue jadi anak yg saleh. Well, i know whats mommy pray for me, every night she prays for me to change to be better, terutama jadi anak yang saleh dan berkenan sm Tuhan. Dari dulu tuh doa nya kaya gitu. That's why. Kakak2 gue jalan nya mulus2 ya. Itu yg awal nya yg bikin gue bingung. Ternyata emg nyokap gapernah doain kakak2 gue kaya gue secara khusus ke Tuhan, paling nykp cmn blg berkati mereka spy berhasil udh done. Ya krn emg gue yg plg beda, mrk penurut, ga kaya gue suka ngebantah, suka ngelawan gt deh sering sm bonyok dulu. This is the main part of this topic. Gue bakalan nge bahas lbh lanjut di paragraf selanjut nya. Here we go..

Udah beberapa tahun ini, tepat nya mgkn 2 tahun ya. Its been hard. Gue awal nya gatau kenapa dan masih aja dengan dongo bertanya tanya sendiri dan mencari jawaban sampe akhir nya bang! Kemaren ketemu jawaban nya pas lg ngerenung pas nyuci piring hahaha. Gue kmrn merenung, like banyak bgt, well, udah bbrp hari sih, tapi Tuhan baru ngasih jawaban kemaren. My biggest question itu ya, 'kenapa orang lain itu ga baik ato lmyn baik walaupun ga sebaik gue tapi jalan nya mulus2 aja? kenapa orang lain kyk nya hidup nya enak banget? like they always can get what they want.' Jawaban nya ya satu, yaitu orang tua mereka ga doain mereka kaya org tua gue ke Tuhan hahaha. Udah thats it, done. Itu jawaban nya hahaha. Tapi gue tetep percaya loh dengan begini Tuhan mau ngebentuk gue jadi seseorang yg berguna someday. Karena Dia buat gue tiap hari belajar, bersabar, bertekun, dan berdoa. Gue totally berubah from my bad habbit karena dituntut keadaan dimana, gue mau gamau harus ngelakuin itu.

Bukan nya gue sok wise ya tapi hahaha really dude, its been hard for me. Dimulai dari masalah yg dateng pada awal nya, orgtua gue jadi lbh protektif, banyak ngelarang ini itu, tapi disitu gue pertama belajar untuk ngedengerin mereka. Gue takut aja kalo sampe gue ga nge dengerin lg, something worse would happen. Dari situ mata gue mulai terbuka, mereka juga ngasih kesempatan emas sama gue seburuk apapun gue, yg mostly anak lain gabs dpt. Disitu gue belajar banget bersyukur dan berterimakasih punya org tua yg selalu baik dan Tuhan yg selalu nolong. Moreover, punya sodara2 yang selalu back up gimana pun keadaan gue juga adalah suatu anugrah. Futhermore, punya sahabat dan teman2 yg baik, yg slm ini selalu mengiri langkah2 gue, ketawa curhat cerita apalah segala mcm jg bagian dari berkat Tuhan yg bkn hidup gue semangat walaupun susah nya kaya apapun. Also, ga punya pembantu selama beberapa bulan ini buat gue belajarrr banyak bgt. Belajar rendah hati buat ngebersiin rumah, belajar melayani org tua, bljr sabar. Tp belajar toleran yg plg gue tekanin disini, dimana di saat gue udah capeeek banget tapi gue ngeliat org tua gue lbh capek dan sakit2 an, dan ga mgkn bgt gue biarin mereka yg kerja, akhir nya gue yg take over pekerjaan rmh mrk. Lastly, punya hati dan jiwa yang tegar menerima kegagalan tapi tetep pantang mundur dan punya tekad untuk ngewujud in cita2 gue juga adalah berkat yg luar biasa yg ga semua orang miliki.

Ini yg mgkn bs dibilang blessing in disguise. Gue patut banget bersyukur dikasih semua nya, well, except keberhasilan yg blm bisa gue capai skrg ini, tp beside of that gue complete. Pacar? Hahaha gue blg itu hal yg secondary bgt ya. Org gue ngurus diri sendiri blm becus, maybe thats the last thing i would concern about untuk skrg ini. This morning also i spoke to my mom about this. Gue blg sm dia, pelajaran ini emg mahal harga nya dan mgkn dengan kegagalan yg kedua kali ini gue baru bisa melek selebar lebar nya, terutama keubahan gue gabisa dibeli dgn apapun. Mgkn ini emg udh rencana Tuhan untuk bkn gue jadi pribadi yg nurut org tua, sabar, rendah hati, toleran, lbh deket sm Tuhan, dll. Gue minta maaf atas besar nya uang yg dia keluarin unt kegagalan gue. Gue bener2 pgn berubah dan pgn bener2 terjun ke interest gue di LCB. Moreover, gue pgn minta restu dari dia. After gue ngmng itu, my mom blg sblm gue ngmng ini dia ngerasa hubungan dia sama Tuhan hambar krn dia kecewa byk harapan dia ga terwujud, apalagi ngeliat result gue kmrn hahaha. Gladly, krn gue ngmng ini shes grateful gue berubah dan dia blg itu ga ternilai harga nya. Dia bakalan dukung gue completely di jurusan yg gue mau ambil dan dia mau nganterin gue ke Aussie kl bs. Dia baru nyadarin rencana Tuhan dibalik semua ini, dia bener2 bersyukur&berterimakasih sm Tuhan. Can u see how glad i am? Im so glad! Also very very grateful to God. Gapernah nyangka bakalan bisa kaya gini. Semoga cita2 gue untuk sukses dan nyenengin org tua gue terwujud someday. Gue ga bakalan prnh nyerah untuk ini. Fight for future keji!!! :)

God's Plan

Seperti yg gue blg sblm nya, jujur gue kecewa dgn result exams gue, tapi jurusan ini adalah kemauan nyokap gue. Gue tau dia selalu pengen yang terbaik buat karir gue di masa depan and well, untuk pride dia juga sih hahaha tapi realita berbeda dengan ekspektasi. Gue udah berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk nurutin dan bahagiain dia, yah tapi mentok juga. Mulai dari jurusan ipa krn dia pgn gue jd dokter gigi trs mentok, mulai dari jurusan commerce buat ambil business ato finance ato accounting tp mentok. Jujur keahlian gue di masak dan emg gue cmn pgn punya restaurant bercabang di banyak negara someday. Ga prnh kepikir jd dokter ato org2 yg tiap hari menghadapi angka. Tp buat nyokap gue apaan sih yg gabakalan gue lakuin, asal dia bahagia, senyum dan ga marah2. In fact, manusia boleh berencana tapi Tuhan juga yang nentuin. Dia paling tau yg terbaik buat gue, Dia paling tau apa yg gue paling mau dalem hidup, dan terutama Dia tau talenta gue dimana. Mau berdoa sampe jengking jengking kek kalo dia ga kasih ya engga hahaha, jujur gue udah bljr bgt smp les segala, doa trs2 an jg loh sampe nangis2 spy result exams gue bgs dan diterima di UTS, tp toh tetep juga ga tembus. Itu arti nya Tuhan emg ga kasih, mau gimana lagi. Tapi dari hal itu gue tersadar, gagal ga berarti bego, gagal ga berarti kalah, gagal ga berarti gabisa bangkit dan gada jalan lain. Gue gagal karena itu bukan passion gue aja. Its not something that im good at. Ada org bilang, orang bakalan sukses dimana dia lakuin apa yg dia sukain. Kalo org itu ga suka, dia gapernah bakalan bisa sukses. See? Itu udah jalan Tuhan bgt. Dari kejadian ini, banyak bgt yg bisa diambil hikmah nya. Dengan kejadian ini, orang tua gue jadi lebih tersadar dengan keinginan gue. Mau ngelakuin apa juga, kalo Tuhan ga berkenan ada aja jalan ditutup. Thanks God, dari sini saya belajar banyak, saya bakalan menekuni apa yg Tuhan udah percayakan. So ini kesimpulan nya :

 Fyi , gue jadi utang S2 nih di Usyd ato UTS major business ato project management sm nykp. Yah gapapalah gue bakal ngelakuin apapun buat org tua gue bahagia, semoga yg nanti ini Tuhan berkenan yah. 

Back Up Plan

The result of my final exams already came up. How was it? Hm, don't try to make me answer that. Well, its disappointing. Actually the result its not not that far away from my target, but it still not enough to get in to university that i want. Moreover, many of my uniprep friends change their plans too because the lack of score. Its sad to see that. I was hoping that we can smile together by seeing our results and be happy together because we get accepted in university or diploma that we want. In fact, the reality is not as same as i imagine. What can i say? Well, in my exams I've  tried my best and pray to God, wishing for His help, but i said to Him that i surrender all my life in His hands, whatever will be will be as He wish cos only He knows what the best for me. Therefore, He has a different plan for me that i believe it is more beautiful than i imagine which is my back up plan. My back up plan is LCB (Le Cordon Bleu). Yap, maybe I'm not in to UTS or insearch with major of business or finance, but I'm in to LCB. LCB is a culinary school from French, they have a branch in Sydney, Australia. In there, I'm gonna take diploma of cuisine cooking and after that I'm gonna take bachelor of international restaurant management. What do you think? Its better for me or not? Well, in reality my passion is cooking. Honestly, I'm sad that i can't get in to university that i want. There are three reasons of it, which is, firstly, my hard work is not paid off. Secondly, I'm wasting my parents' money. And Lastly, i disappointed my family, esp my mom&my bro. U guys have no idea how it hurts my heart. This is the second time i fail. This making me more traumatic with study&exams. This make me having more doubt about my knowledge. The more i fail, the more unconfident i am.

But, i can't live like that. I gotta be strong. This is a real world, this is a real life, this is a war, and this is a battle to success.

In fact i gotta say 'screw all those things, i gotta nail em up'. So, my back up plan is my third chance to be succeed and this time i won't let me and my parents down. I promise to give my all to be success. I will try hard and no mumbling even its as hard as swimming in a shark's nest hahaha kidding i mean as hard as hiking in a mountain. With God, i can face it and i believe in that. In conclusion, i will get in to LCB. I cannot wait to begin my journey there. I cannot wait to do many experiments and cook all those cool ingredients. Wish me luck people :)

Fyi : I'm gonna departure on september cause I'm taking oct intake, still haven't find the date yet. I'm gonna confirm u guys again. Escort me to the airport on the H-day!!! :3

Message to uniprep friends : For u that get accepted in university or diploma that u want, congrats! Well if u don't, same as me! Ahaha kidding :) Cheer up guys, just find a way out. There always a way out in any problems. Be strong, be brave. In the next chance, don't let it fall again. Keep the spirit up, we can do it! Remember that there are many ways to Roma, it means there are many ways to actualize ur dreams. Never give up :D

The K's Classics

Finally i can do my hobby without wasting money, instead I'm earning money while I'm on my holiday.

Im selling cakes, cupcakes, & chocolate now! Whoop whoop! The price is affordable & the cakes taste delicious. Visit kezie's classic cakes & order ur cakes now :)

Thanks Lord :)

This is not about the result of my final exams, but this is about my personal problems with me and my mom. I prayed to God to fix my broken heart and give me a way out, then He answered it & He granted my wish. Moreover, He also give me blessing thru my dad. Im so thankful i have Him. I know He's a great God. He never let me down & He never broke his promises. All you have to know is He only granted everybody's wishes at the right time & at the right place.


So, this is me and my mom's story;

We caught big fight yesterday. My heart was hurt, and so does her. But finally i told my real feelings to her after she mad at me. The hurt feelings that never spoken out, that always i keep it on my own. And finally she realizes that theres something wrong between our relationship, as a mom and daughter.


"Honestly, i feel like my position as her daughter in her eyes are different from my brother and sister. Both of them are so mature, smart, and in front of her eyes they almost perfect. Unlike me. Well, I'm trying to be like them, but sadly, i never reached the standard." 

Im asking my mom to accept me they way i am, because this is me and i cannot be as perfect as them. But, i also told her that i will trying all my best to make her proud. I said I'm sorry for things I've done. I said no matter what happens I'm gonna leaving jakarta, leaving her and this family for good. I just want to fix everything up before i go. I wanna make up this relationship, so theres no hurt feelings and hatred inside my heart that could lead me far away to her.

I also said, "No matter what happens and no matter what you do, i will always love you, mom. Everything that i do in my life is for you. I try to do my best in every chances is for you. My goal is to make you happy someday. Even thou i have ever fall, i would rise for you. So, please mom lets fix our relationship before i go. We don't have much time left. Four months is fast actually and please don't take it for granted."

She cried...

When she cried, it brokes my hearts. It really does. My hatred disappear, it changes into affection and love. I sympathy to her, because back then she doesnt realizes what she did. She asked for my forgiveness. She said she is sorry because cannot be a good mom for me. And she hugged me tight.

I reply her and said, "its okay, I'm used to it. I understand that you already old, so I'm the one who has to tolerated you. I know you got problems and stuffs too. Please don't cry. I love you, mom. Im sorry too for the things I've done wrong."


We make up. She's become so nice now & I'm so happy we could fix everything.

I have ever thought that our relationship cannot be fixed anymore. So i pray to God. I told Him to forgive her, forgive me if i have negative feelings for her and solve our problems if can. But, see, God shown me that theres nothing He cannot do. He can fix anything, He can heal everything, and He could changes something impossible to possible. Thanks Lord, You are amazing. Thankyou for Your presence in my life. Without You, I'm nothing.

Be Strong!!!

Dear me, please be patient. Good things will come eventually :''') Theres no word for quit on my dictionary. Please be strong and fight till the end.

My Terrified Feeling

I just need someone to talk so badly right now. Im so confused. I need to tell my story. Wanna to talk mouth by mouth to my close friends but no one available otp or on skype at this time. Oh God, please help me :'( please please please let me pass the final exams and get gpa around six, and get accepted into insearch uts. Im terrified, God. Please granted my wish. This is my future. This is my hope. And this is all i ever wanted. I never become so ambitious about my life, i always take it for granted. But, this time i mean it. I wanna change. I will responsible fully with my life. So, God, please help me granted my wish. Cause i know only You can help me. Only You, who have the power to make miracle. I surrender all my life in Your hands.

Rumours

Jadi di lingkungan manapun gue berada pasti selalu di gossipin. Masalah nya ini rumour yang bener2 fake  dan gue gada sangkut paut nya sama sekali. Tiba2 di gossipin aja. Dan di gossipin nya parah. Kaya ga ilang2 gitu gossip nya, everytime gue sm temen2 gue sll aja digodain. Hadoooh dont know what to say. Masalah nya temen2 gue suka pada mt gitu dalam rangka bercanda. Hahaha emg sialan mrk. Tapi yg jadi masalah buat gue, org yg di jodoh2 in sm gue tuh jelek banget, aneh iya, etc. Pokok nya faaar out from my criteria. So, kadang gue sebel. Tapi krn udah skg pasrah nya kadang gue bawa bercanda aja sambil ketawa ketawa. Nah ada 2 lingkungan yg selalu jodoh2 in sama cowo aneh, which is in uniprep dan katekisan. Kalo di uniprep tuh gue dijodohin sama lios hahahahasdfghjkl speechless gatau mesti ngmg apa. Terus kalo di katekisan gue dijodohin sama kepo, duhhhh ini lagi juga ga bener, engga bangeeeeet. Tauah, capek hahaha. Serah kalian mau ngmg apa sampe berbusa dan berusaha jodohin gue gue ga bakalan mau. Titik. Soal nya buat gue mrk engga banget hahaha. Fine sih kalo jd friends, but not more than that. Got it?

Let It Flow

helo!!! gue kangen bgt loh sm laptop gue. since exam gue ga nyentuh my baby iniii, gue cmn online pk computer kakak gue. nah, gue tuh skrg baru pulang les, capekkk bgt. trs cerita nya bsk libur, jd gue sempet2 in deh curhat bentar di blog ini. sebener nya gue punya banyaaaaak bgt cerita ttg final exams gue which is kinda dissapointing but its gonna take long time to write it and actually I'm too tired now. so, gue cuman mau curhat ttg perasaan gue skrg ya. ttg itu nanti gue post after i finished all of them aja. syp tau miracle could happen, right?

okay. td pas otw ke rmh dr tmpt les, kakak gue tlp, she told me that dia sm mama gada di rmh, mrk pergi. dlm hati gue udh ngerasa aja, yah home alone lagi. papa blm plg. di rmh tuh cmn ada bang bro which is bang brohim hahaha, dia itu kakek2 yg jagain rmh gue. duh boro2 ngmng sm dia, dia tuh ga connect bgt, udh gt dia budek lg hahaha and then dari dulu ga deket. well, hes nice anyway. kalo gada dia disaat saat gada pembantu gini gue gatau jadi nya ky apa my life. ohya! btw i got a maid! tapi cmn part timer gt loh. ga fully nginep serving everyday. duh still need one yg full timer nih, anyone interested? hahaha.

then, back to my story ya. kan gue ky pas perjalanan plg gt merasa kesepian. like always deh kez. mikirin masa depan lg. yup, itu yg sll ada di kepala gue. trs gue jg mikirin org2 lg pada apa. kangen bgt sm temen2 gue semua nyaaa. mulai dari sahabat, partner in crime, temen deket, dan temen biasa. jujur, gue udah lama ga bersosialisasi gr2 exam gue yg ky kentut ini. bener2 menyita waktu bgt. awas aja sampe hasil nya mengecewakan. terusss i feel like lonely and missing everyone gt. parahhh!!! mulai dari katekisan, ws, gonji, dll. mrk tuh bener2 something bgt dlm hdp gue. kalo kata syahrini sih, sesuatuuu bgt gitu haha apasih gue.

hm maaf ya dgn byk omongan gue yg basa basi. inti nya skrg tuh gue lg di rmh sendiri dan merasa kesepian. pengen aja punya org yg perhatiin like frequently. pacar? gapunya nyet hahaha. i wish i have. gebetan? jg gapunya. sumpah hidup gue super hampa. idk whats wrong with me. well, im fat sih. maybe guys jijik liat gue. tapi... knp byk wanita gendut diluar sana bahkan yg lbh gendut or jelek dr gue punya pacar? hahaha gatau, takdir kali ya gue hu. dr dulu pandangan gue itu, guy wants a perfect girl. whether yg jelek ato yg ganteng, mrk mau nya yg cantik hahaha boys lo gatau diri. pergi ke laut aja sono huahuahua. but, bcos of them, im trying to be one of that girl. buttt, ngurusin badan susah nyet. gue punya siklus makan yg tergantung sm mood. gym ga sempet. kan lg exam. trs kalo exam tuh trigger gue buat eat more, cause im having lack of sleep and i need energy. ya jadi gitu deh. so its not easy for me. moreover, I'm getting fatter. pasti gada yg mau sama gue krn enek ngeliat kegendutan gue skrg hahaha. serah deh i need a life brooo. lemme do what i want as long as its a positive thing.

yah yasudahlah, this is my life. i enjoy it anyway. i have great friends. sooner or later there will be someone yg mau menerima gue apa ada nya *yoiii bgt* hahaha. kalo sepi gue bbm temen2 gue aja susah bgttt. i shud find a way to distract my loneliness feeling. gaboleh ngeluh! hrs jd wanita yg mandiri! so, let it flow aja kali yaa~

My Final Exams Schedule

fri - computing
mon - legal
tue - math
wed - econ
fri - english

hopefully i can do all of them, wismilak! :)

Random Feeling

I feel like some people changing. Idk why. I just sad a little bit because i used to think the negative things first rather than the positive one. Hopefully its just my wrong feeling.

H-1 Final Exams

tomorrow is a big day for me which is... *drumroll* ..THE 1ST DAY OF MY FINAL EXAM!!!
which something i dislike *sigh* who likes exams anyway? nobody i bettt. if u do, then ure totally one of the craziest people on earth hahaha. well, i can't deny all my efforts for study this past 10 months is directly for this final exams. what can i say :/ I've been working so hard for this, hope ill pass it to get my target which is insearch uts :)
so, the first exam I'm gonna deal with is... *drumroll-again* ...COMPUTING STUDIES!!! hahaha sorry for making few of stuffs that i mentioned with kinda exciting drumroll. my computing studies gonna be held at 12 pm for C3. wohooo i still got plenty time for studying. thanksGod. for preparing this exam i did several things today, which are... *drumroll-again-and-again* hahaha kidding. so, here we go...

firstly, i went to cruch (well today is day of Jesus' ascension to heaven) and i feel like the preaching from preacher Lili today in Pangpol Curch is right for me. Its about human fear in future, which likely it is my biggest fear in life. But, she told us that as long as we have God in our life, nothing we have to fear about. He besides us, He will help us no matter how hard our life is. u know? i cried when i heard that. hahaha please don't laugh. its not that I'm kinda depressed hahaha but i can feel God's love. I feel His love for me and my family is sooo big. it cannot describe by anything in this world. however, because of the preaching today, my fear is starting to disappear cos i know i have God. no matter what happen in life and in the future, i still have Him. i believe, He will lead me to a beautiful place that i never imagine. well maybe sometimes it troughs hard times and bad times, but it will be magnificent eventually. so i surrender my final exams and my future in God :)

secondly, i went to liberica pp with wendy, bram, and lios for studying computer practical. it ends up with me and wendy whom studied the practical, lios became the teacher and bram became the gabut person hahaha so sorry bram for subtracting ur time for nothing rather than study. well thanks a lot for lios and bram already accompanied me and wendy for studying. it means so much for me, well i don't know whats wendy's comment hahaha. now, i understand computer practical completely in one of the question that sir andri gave. oh ya, btw, i had so much fun with them. they're so funny (hm.. me too! hahaha) so we laughed a lot today and its kinda decreasing my stress too for tmrrw exam.

finally, in my house, i reviewed my computer practical question that mr andri gave. but only one question hahaha, ill do the next one tonite.

hoammm such a tiring day or days? well i gotta say tiring WEEKS or even MONTHS hahaha. hope its all worth it. but sadly, today i was falling down because of my favourite sandals. its stupid. a nightmare before exams again haha. luckily, my foots are still be able to walk and only big bruised, but it still hurt thou. hm never mind! i still be able to do my exam tmrrw too. also, thanksGod, U still protect me from danger. moreover, please God, bless me for all of my exams. lastly, please wish me luck ppl! i will do my best shots :)

Curhat Kilat

hell-o. gatau kenapa tapi gue selalu ajaaa kangen sama buka blogspot yg selalu memotong jam bljr gue sebener nya haha. mulai dari baca post org2 terdekat gue sampe menumpahkan perasaan gue di blog gue. hm mgkn gue merasa terlalu kesepian kali ya :p udh bbrp hari gue libur dan kerjaan nya bljr trs, demiii nih demi future, hrs berjuang demi insearch uts!!! terus ya org2 tuh knp sih ga semua nya bls bbm gue, terutama temen2 sma dulu. woy kalo lo baca ini ya mulai dari fristine vita jasmine, plis dong kalo bls bbm tuh jgn seabad gt. capek tau ga :') gue butuh temen bicara huhu! jgn even ga di read donggg. capek ah sama kebiasaan kalian. hmm pdhl akhir2 ini bbm gue lg rame.. huahuahua. maaci temen2 yg peduli sama gue. kl gada mrk gue lonely abish~ mulai dr temen uniprep, temen katek, sampe ws, dll. seneng deh diperhatiin, soal nya mostly kalian bbm duluan. tumben haha, ky nya mrk tau gue stress. tp ya tp sumpah gue ngerasa jauh bgt sm fristine vita jasmine skrg. ky mrk sm gue udh punya dunia sendiri. pdhl kalian libur. huh tau deh yg udh libur sombooong. hahaha maafin gue ya nyolot. hari ini gue udh dr jam 1 pagi bljr. bljr tidur makan bljr tidur makan bljr tidur makan  bljr. gue stress. itu jg tidur nya 2 jam an T_T. mana bahan masih banyak. masih banyak ga ngerti pula. stress everywhere. gue udh makan 3x woy hari ini. banyak lagi. terus makan es krim 2 biji. gendut~ bodo deh gue gatau lg. stress klimax. kl gue mikirin soal gendut lg mgkn gue bs gila. terus udh dari hari2 sblm nya gue tidur ky kalong demi bljr. tidur nangung dan bgn tengah mlm lalu tidur lagi. udh dr 3 hari lalu kali. huah capek nyet. mana belom gue mesti nyuci pakean gue yg gabs dicuci pk mesin cuci krn gada pembantu. senam buat diri sendiri aja ga sempet. haduh Tuhan saya pgn ujian cpt sls, dpt pengumuman kabar baik, dpt uni, dpt pembantu, dan DAPET LIBUR pasti nya!!!

Thing That Oftenly Broke My Heart

when im sad or in bad mood, i try to cover it with smile and laughters just to make people around me keep happy. i dont want to involve them in my sadness. but when another people sad or in bad mood, they just act as they want. they treat people like they have to be tolerated because theyre not in good mood. i often get horrible feedback like that from people around me. its not that i demanding for a nice or equal feedback, but it just break my heart u know? its hurt to be treated like that by people u love, by people u concern about. well, my heart is break now. it breaks into a pieces. but what can i say. i love them. i should forgive them. so i should unite the pieces of my heart that already broken and put it in the right place again. and i have to continue my life again. cause i know, i wont be able life without them :'''

Sweet and Bitter Things of Life

ini adalah hari sabtu. yup, almost every weekend lately i spend it at ma hauzzz. hahaha pathetic isnt? gausah dijawab, gue udah tau jawaban nya emg iye kasian T_T hahaha. yaudahlah itung2 bljr yagak buat ujian nanti. mumpung lagi break bentar sblm melanjutkan aktivitas belajar gue yang sangat membosankan ini, gue mau cerita donggg. mau berkeluh kesah gitu cerita nya hahaha tailah sambil mau cerita kemaren seneng bisa ketemu ciwi2 dari sma gue duluuu wihi terutama ketemu si itin yg sudah berumur 18 skrg, tua lo tin! ...kaya gue :') hahaha.

mulai dari cerita fristine's bday treat dulu yaa. okay. itu tepat nya pas hari kamis kemaren. makasi itin kemaren traktiran nya, gue seneng bgt lohhh ketemu lo! gue juga seneng ktm sama cewe2 cantik ku yang lainnn, such as vita jasmine tasya gitta udu diandra. kapan2 mussst ya jln2 bareng lg, udah se abad seperti nya kita engga ngumpul. well, somehow gue skrg ga ngerti sih kalian ngmng apa dan emg udah beda gt topik nya, yaaa tapi kan kalo nanti kt sering ktm lg pasti bs nyambung lg kok :) im not changing at all, well phisically yes, but im still the old kezia. yang lucu itulohhh :3 haha plis gampar gue. oh ya oh ya hahaha terus mau cerita ttg kejadian pas jln kemaren. jadi tuh gue bikinin si itin scrapbook kan ya buat hadiah ulangtaun nya, trs rada failed gitu hahaha. cerita nya tuh gue pas ngasih scrapbook itin hrs nya kan udah ada foto itin sendiri di  first page nya sama mau scrapbook nya di taliin krn jelek kalo pake map, nah tapi krn saking sibuk nya gue blm sempet2 nyetak foto lagi dan blm sempet beli tali. trs pas udh hari H mau ktm itin, mau ngasi gitu gue baru nyetak foto dan akhir nya jd pake map gt, ga sempet ditaliin hahaha maaf frisss ga sengaja bgt sumpah, tapi gue niat bgt itu bikinin buat lo, sampe gue korbanin waktu bljr gue loh trs pas practice exam gue dongo :''') nah trs yg konyol nya lg, vita males nemenin gue buat ke lantai dasar ngambil foto nya itin, trs jadi itin yg nemenin gue ngambil foto HAHA padahal itu hadiah nya dia loh. ga surprise lg deh... yaudah deh gue super failed bgt, sempet sedih sih krn rada konyol gt gue, tapi yaudahlah haha kata itin dia seneng lohhh. wuhuu~ sampe dia post tuh di blog nya. terharuuu :') makasi fristine ku sayanggg :* ({}) at least usaha gue ga sia2 kan ya? :)

nahhh selesai dgn cerita jalan kmrn. sekarang gue mau berkeluh kesah yaaa haha. gue bete. bete bgttt. ini sabtu dan gue merasa super kesepian hahaha. udah berapa lama ya gue kaya gini? udah lama banget kali ga keitung. gue pergi tuh jatoh2 nya weekdays sama temen gue. kalo weekend skrg end up di rmh. orangtua gue juga udah lama gapernah ngajak jalan lg pas weekend. huu sedih deh kangen sama masa2 dulu. ya emg keadaan berubah sih. gue sebagai anak harus menyesuaikan dan tetep mensyukuri apa yang udh dikasih Tuhan. yakali gitu ya gue mau ngomel2 sama orang tua gue minta jalan gitu bareng. sbnr nya udah lama jg sih ga spend family time together gt satu meja, makan bareng, hmm cmn yaudahlah mrk sibuk. mana skrg gue lg gada pembantu lg. nightmare before exams hahaha tailah. kalo yg di film kan nightmare before christmas :p nge garing dikit dulu gue cerita nya mihihi~ nah krn gada pembokat, jadi nyokap gue tuh kerjaan nya ngomel mulu. haduh pala gue bentar lg meledak nih. nyokap deh skrg yg bersiin rmh. trs kalo dia capek dia ngomel. trs nyokap jadiin org seisi rmh juga jadi pembantu lg T_T. hahaha trs gue suruh cari pembantu kan ya, trs kata nyokap cari pembantu tuh susah. masa iya sih? perasaan hampir seluruh penduduk di jakarta punya pembokat hahaha. hm gue ngerti sih maksud dia cari pembantu yang baik itu susah. yaudah sih kl gt awasin aja pembantu nya, susah amat mamiiii. aku kan mau ujian jadi capek harus nyuci baju sama nyuci piring. huhuhu. nyokap ga ngerti gue banget. yaudahlah gue menyerah mencoba ngmng sama dia. ntr malah ribut lagi. gue gasuka banget arguing. mendingan gue diem. duhhh pipol, doain gue ya biar gue cepet dapet pembantu. gue sengsara banget nihhh :'( hmm ato ada yang berminat jd pembantu gue? kalo gt harap hubungi saya secepat nya ya! hahaha.

Final Exams and Future

its been a while I'm not posting in this blog as u see. there are many pressures that i have to face it, which is study study study and study til i throw up. today is 4th may of 2012. my final exams gonna begin at 18th may of 2012. it means H-14 til my exams begin. 2 weeks more. how does it feel? terrify. this exam gonna decide my future. whether i stay in jakarta or moving to sydney? whether i keep on moving to sydney but take major of finance or culinary? i think about it everyday. my future. what do i really want? what kinda person i want to become? what my future will be? future husband, family, jobs, social life, materials that i have, living in apartment, and everything that i cannot mention one by one. can i really achieve my dreams? every time i ride my car, i look outside from the window of my car, i imagine everything, i try to put scenarios of my future in order. hoping and praying to God, that someday i will become a person that all i wanted. i have no plan beside going to sydney. why? because i put all my expectations in there. many people have asked me, why i chose to go rather than stay? the answer is because going to australia is the beginning of my dreams. it is all what i want. it is what all I'm fighting for. no matter how hard it is, i will try my best. i want to become successful person. i want to be an independent woman. no matter how stupid i am now, but not in my future. i want to make up all my faults. I'm ashamed with my parents. i always make difficulties to them. i still feel carry a burden. my parents are my burden. my mind always keep on whisper 'what if'. if i failed to pass this exam, if i failed to graduate on university, if i failed to make them happy, if i cannot payback their kindness. i don't know what shud i do anymore if one of those things that I'm afraid the most about to happen. like i said before, I'm terrifying. i just want to make everything work as my plan. please God, I'm begging You. i want to pass the final exams with a good grade and get a diploma first in INSEARCH UTS and then get in to university in UTS. I want to make me and my parents happy :')

one of my subject that I'm studying, which is economics. the most important one.

Some Plans for My Holiday B-)

i hate my skin and my fat body. wanna end exam immediately and have a looong holiday, so i can take care of my body fully. I'm planning to go to gym everyday cos exercise and run are good for shapping body and skin. omg I'm looking forward to ittt! also I'm planning to drive a car when holiday is cumin. i really2 wanna drive a car by myself. only me and the car and no driver!!! whoaaa heaven, i can go to anywhere. dear super long holiday, I'm looking forward to meet u ;)