Don't Look Back

More than a year i live in this beautiful city that i love the most currently. I leave everything that i love in my hometown, included family, best friends, friends, good memories, and bad memories. Every second of my life i miss them, but i have to let it go because i need to go on with my life, otherwise i couldn't make big step forward to my life. I couldn't be a person who keep texting everyone and busy with my social life all the time if i wanna be succeed right? I even likely feel tired already everytime i finish work. Life is a choice. And living my life in this place its my choice, even i have to lost everything that i love the most.

Yesterday my 20th birthday, much much less person who are wishing my birthday. Especially the close ones, they did forget about it. Its sad, really really sad honestly. Or they don't care. It would've be so meaningful if those ppl give you special message or smthg special. But it didn't happen anyway. I cried lol. But thats life. People come and go even the closest ones.

I dont wanna pity my life. I have to let everything go. I know I'm worth it. I may lose all my friends, but i would work my ass off and show them that i could be someone in this place. I would 100% focus and chasing my dreams. I don't want to look back anymore. It way too painful, you know.

Well, I may changed not like the old kezia. But i told you, this kezia is more stronger than before. Lets say hello to a brighter future then, even i have to walk alone.

Story Behind that Smile

There always a reason for me why i love being chef. i know it is very hard and stressing occupation, but it challenge me a lot. I can tell you everyday i learn new things. I always in shit everyday but i learn how to solve problems by being faster and faster each day. I also learn how to use my brain properly to sort the things out. Most of the time i feel too much things to do on my head, but i learn to finish the priority first. Well i can tell each day getting better when I started mastering the section. However most of the time when my head become too full, i feel like retarded and become bit crazy. I started to talk too much, moaning, joking around, talking unimportant things, and laughs a lot. But thats fine, i found lot chefs feeling the same way when they're too tired also. But my current workplace surrounded by good and funny people. Although they talking too much shit plus talk more do less, they give me reason to smile and laughs everyday. Ive worked in crazy restaurant before that made me work like a dog, treated like a shit and get shouted + threatened most of the time. I did struggling by myself everyday by unreasonable working hours. So since that i be able to work under pressure and appreciate what i have now. Now im working in hotel and not in the restaurant anymore, which is great. But lot of chefs say that working in hotel is easier rather in restaurant. I would say, it is not at all. Well maybe the ppl treat other ppl better, but still not easy. Restaurant better in quality, hotel better in quantity. Restaurant taught me to be fast on service, hotel taught me to be fast on prep. But hotel that im working now ask me to do massive prep + service because my section is room service kitchen. Fyi its main kitchen and the kitchen so big, funny thing is only two ppl working in there on the day shift included me. I would happy when its quiet, but most of the time its not. Esp this busiest time of the year for hospitality industry. So you know what i mean im in the shit almost everyday. Moreover we need to cover lot of unresponsible chefs and ppl, so its hard. So i dont agree if they say chefs in the hotel less capable than chefs that working in busy restaurant. All the chefs are hard worker, esp the one that using their brain properly lol.

My Choice, My Life

In the middle of the night trying to share my story that i haven't told. as you know, kitchen is workplace with heaps of problem and i chose being in there as a chef to be my occupation. don't think i made mistake because i have passion for food. 

so my latest story is, i was super busy had 2 jobs before which is made me work 5 doubles a week from 7 am to 12 am. got another job in one of well known hotel in sydney. super tired? definitely. having 2 jobs only last for 3 weeks lol. i give up! and most of apprentice in my another workplace before cannot corporate well in teamwork making me so stressed. i end up lose my energy and wasting my time for something that I'm not happy with. i was working in pastry also in there and it just fuckin stressed me out. I'm just not a pastry chef, i couldn't do multi tasking for pastry. told the head chef already, but he still put me on pastry. not happy with those two workplace because i end up couldn't giving my best as both, i decided to quit on the workplace in the restaurant and fully moving to hotel to work for full time there.

reasonable reasons why i quit from that restaurant:

Most of the time apprentices not listen to my command

Hygiene issue
Dirty bench, messy everywhere, tea towel always on the bench
Not clean as they go
Dirty slicer all the time
At the end of night not cleaning slicer properly
Not cleaning service fridge every night
Mixing something together on the different date, eg mignonette (they said its made from the same date but i dont trust them because theres no prove of it, even tho it is, they supposed not mixing smthg that has been pulled over the day with the fresh one together and ive been trained that way)
No point taking off earings+using hat if still working with poor hygiene 

Not fully set up, always missing on something (make they likely behind or slow on service) - which making me lately not taking any break to set everything ready.

Bad handling on oysters + not taking sands from ouster shells when serving to customer. Ive told them to but they dont listen to me until i do it by myself.

Blunt knife

Crostini - burn or undercook (lazy)

I realize this when i am working full week on larder. They are just way unorganised.

I try to help them and show how to do service with clean bench all the time, but i think they dont care. I may not still understand reading the dockets really well, but i try to work as professional as i could just like my experience before to set up everything and i think it is not working with me if they dont want to corporate with me.

At the end of the night one of apprentice cleaning so slow. So im the one who has cleaning a lot.

I dont feel hv progress, my discipline handling food decreasing because lack of motivation looking ppl around me being lazy. I do realize i become slower also. It is not full their faults also but i think this place its not really right for me.


Moreover, I can't shucking oyster anymore. I had injury in my left hand and every time i shucked oyster the injury is getting worse. My left hand couldn't carry heavy things anymore and my right hand started to swelling also.

My Consideration

I never say no to the opportunity that given to me. The thing is i don't wanna be in the hell kitchen anymore. Ive been there and I tell you that is torturing. Thats why lately I'm so picky because I am looking place with a little bit of heaven environment with a good standard also.

I've been working with the best and treated the worst and that's made me who I am.

My food project!

Wondering about my life lately? My current job is almost perfect. Great team chef, good food, and nice place&company also. Even tho i have to use chef's hat and use stupid food date label that are very inconvenient for me, but i promise whenever i meet great team, i will stick to them whatever happens, no matter how hard it is.

By the way...

Im going to make 'food project'. I have pretty much spare time from work to do research and experiment on food.

I feel like having very low knowledge of food, well... actually not very low, but just sort of low to average lol. It been a year my experiences in the kitchen. As i realise, to be chef is not enough to have good skill of knife and be fast. A good chef is able to follow any recipes, which is most of housewife could do that. But a great one, could create and upgrade recipes. I don't wanna only be the good one, i wanna be a great one. Most of it, i don't want to be student forever. I wanna learn to lead and take pride in every work that i do.

So maybe i would create another blog for my project.

Coming soon!

Learning to Live

Just today my brother complains about his life, he said he always sacrifice himself for anyone but no one care about him at the end of day. Me as his sister made a lot mistakes to him, and i feel i have the biggest responsible for made him that way.

He said he has the worst life ever. What about me? I am not as old as him and I'm not having the same life as him. But really, my life goes up and down, met ppl who could treat me the worst, dropped my self esteem a lot when was looking for a job, and most of the time i cannot fight back to problems. Lot bad things happened. And I'm still fck ing 19 years old. I always trying to survive thou. I learn how to deal with people. Try to see good things in bad. Try to do goods even all i want to do is not give a damn at all. My life is bitter. All this year i try to be patient, patient, and more patient to everyone. Trying to tolerate something i couldn't. Trying to understand everyone. Maybe you all don't get what i mean, but at this point, is not only my brother that feeling desperate about life. Im sick also. Im in pain. And i never ask for someone to understand me, cause i know they couldn't.

I know I'm not as nice as him. I know his life is bitter too. Also i know i never could payback his kindness to me. But, life will not forever be like this. God is fair. He sees our pain and our heart.

If only your patient could cover the scars in your heart, why don't try to face the shit days with smile, bro? Forget the people who treat you wrong, they are worthless. Me as your sister not perfect also, i have big problem in my life most of the day, but i do really love you as my brother. Regardless of all my mistake, i apologise. Thanks for being a good one beside me. You could face the days, i believe you are stronger than me.

At the end of the day, you realise we all learning to live. And time is all we got. So never give up on life.

Life's Surprise

Wasn't expecting got terminated from my workplace, which is the Italian restaurant. I know i wasn't perfect working in there, but I didn't get enough training and I did try my best to work in there. I only working in there just for a month and a week, how can they expect perfection from me? I just think they being rasist because I am the only asian in there and they prefer work with either Australian or Italian.

I like the company but I hate that Italian restaurant. Bit hard to let go the benefits by employed by that company, but thats fine with me. I can't get everything that I want right? Life is not perfect. Just like economic law that I learned before from my favourite teacher, ceteris paribus, "to get something, we must lose something."

Despite of all that, I am perfectly happy! Lol. I got new job already. Not far from that place, still in Winyard area in city. Just located at the back street of my previous workplace. I had trial in there already, the team chefs are much much better. Spoke with the Head Chef about condition on that place, my salary, my duties, my sections I will be in, and I am pretty much happy with that. I am glad that place have Head Chef that sort of open and would hear feedback from a junior chef like me. So definitely I will take that job and start on next monday. I think this workplace sort of meet my expectation because they have complete recipe of every dishes, quite complete cooking's tools, they provide training to new chefs, and the team is quite nice. I don't expect to be treated well in the kitchen, I know there must be pressure in there especially when its busy, but having people around with right attitude and have good humour will make life better in the kitchen, if you know what I mean.

And honestly, Im glad to be kicked out from that hell because the conditions in my previous workplace is the reverse side of conditions in the new one. So, I lost the job by this Monday and get a new one on this Wednesday. I feel so blessed by God. Like, He provides me everything that I need. I feel like He really really hear my crying, my pain when I was working at that Italian restaurant. For more than my first 2 weeks in there I cried almost everyday. And most of the time I feel exhausted with crazy working hours they give me. They put 60 hours/week which actually is not right for junior chef like me, i supposed only work for 40-45 hours/week. Worst of all they only pay me 38 hours/week instead i was working for 60 hours/week. Also they never give tips as my right as employee. So basically that workplace is misleading the authority that company gives.

So Im glad I'm over with that place, wish my new one would be long last. Wish that place could bring the best side of me as a chef and could give me heaps of lesson into a better one.

Attention!

To all single ladies,

Always remember to be happy, because you never know who's falling in love with you smile

Cheers!

Positive Attitude (part 2)

Its been more than a month I'm working in my current workplace that i told you before. Not like any other old days, my life gets better. Kezia that loves to smile, sing, joking around, act like child, and bit clumsy is almost accepted in the workplace for some reason. I am a good one actually and could be more serious if in hot section, but if in larder section mostly i often playing around because its an easy one. Back to the topic before, i think the reason i start to get accepted in there because that place is very boring with flat chefs like most of them. They don't joking around most of the time and rarely sing. Unlike every fun chefs usually. So MAYBE, just maybe, when i join the team and make their day bit more cheerful, they started to like me. First they didn't and now they are. They even told me on my day off that place is very boring. Wohoo I'm flattered! Finally chefs, finally, you guys are not blind. And finally they slowly slowly can give respond to my joke. What a weird life, what a weird chefs. Well, actually theres one chef thats very funny but most of the time he's annoying and i think he's bit rasis just like my head chef hahahaha. Fyi I'm the only asian in my current workplace and i don't know the reason.

I still get mad by lot of chefs before and until now even i do good things, but i don't care lol. And if hey don't like me? I don't go fck ing care too, seriously. I just keep being me and do my best. I start to be invulnerable with my character in that workplace. Sometimes i admit, I'm a bit dumb dumb, i like to play dare with them and then lost and got punishment. But i always face it with smile and laugh and do the shit job they gave.

Well most of it, i would say life get better because of the kitchen hands in my workplace. They help me a lot, they talk to me a lot, they cheer me up, they joking around with me, and they obviously made my days. I laughs a lot because of them. Especially theres one french kitchen hand thats very funny, every time i meet him i always be very happy and laughs a lot. So ya, my workplace is not that bad now. And theres sous chef from my second workplace who's gonna move to my current workplace also. So ya, I'm welcoming happy days *dancing*.

The thing is when you don't like something, try to look positive side of it and try be happy. You will see the days get better. Never stuck on past, because it'll make you go crazy and never move on. You will think to run from reality rather than face it. And i believe life not supposed to be like that. Just have a faith that God will give you better opportunity in another chances if you appreciate life he gives to you and do your best shot on whatever situation you have now.

Talk about my second workplace, i love them so much, but life changes and i have to move on, i may want to spend all my days with them, whether good days or bad ones, but thats not my life story, so i have to let them go. We will still meet each other in locker room anyway. And its good for me to stop hang out with them every friday night. The main reason is they are addictive and they will make me sad with my current life i have now and i will be negative and i don't want that. Goodbye loves and past, my heart will always with you guys, chefs, xx.

Goodbye

I dont know how many times ive cried since ive working in the new restaurant. I did plenty of crying and now still. I try to be happy as much as i can but reality speaks the reserve of it. The thing is i always look to the past, yes my second workplace. Feel like mostly chefs in my workplace now not treating me good, well they are bad i think. They are harsh, careless, and annoying. Oh gosh, i really2 miss my team before. Only work with them for 2 weeks but we already close to each other. One day without seeing them is like one day of misery. I do see them quite often in locker room because those restaurants are in the same company, but not everyday. Its been couple of days not seeing them. I miss their laughs, smiles, jokes, stories, short chats, hugs, and teamwork. I could tell you that is not smooth days in there, its a though one. Its a crazy busy restaurant, but ppl in there will help you out if you running low. And they are funny, even hilarious. There is no day without laugh and smiling in there for me. I did struggling and wishing my day would end, but only at service because they pushed me a lot. Afterwards is a happy days. They don't take every problems personally. And swearing? Its common there, even they are who's teaching me swearing a lot hahaha. They do swearing when mad, talking generally, and joking around. I know its bad but its funny. Also some chefs in there love to give me a hug, it feels so nice and i just feel acceptable by that, you know. Never been treated this way in any workplace before. I would love to go back and work with them, i know its not easy but I'm willing to learn if the head chef give me a chance, but sadly he didn't because its already full team now. Few days ago i went home earlier and passed thru their restaurant, i saw them chillin around after finished working and waiting for the pastry section to finish. My heart broken. I want to be part of it. I miss them but I cannot go there and only can watch from outside that reality changes. I am not part of them anymore and have to keep the distance. Its torturing me. Can you see how great their team work also? They waiting for pastry chefs to finish before home while talking with them. Thats the great team I'm dreaming of. On my current workplace i will never find something like that. Never. They are not fun at all. How i wish have a great team like that back into my life. Like two weeks that i had with them is the best work experience of my life. And probably i will never be part of their team anymore. Well, so long dickheads, i love you all so much crazy chefs. I have to accept the reality with brave heart and move on.

Positive Attitude

Its going on week 4 in new workplace. Time flies so fast without i even realised it. Ive been there almost a month. All bad things and good things i accept it as lesson learn. As my story before, i don't treated well in this place, but i do struggling a lot. Ive tried my best on every section I'm working on. And i think chefs in there know that i pay attention on every word they said. Perfection is my goal, but I'm on the way to there. My head chef expect me to be fuckin perfect since for the 1st week I'm working in there, but that absolutely impossible for any chefs in this world isn't? Except my position in sous chef or higher. Not getting good training from every chefs that responsible in there, but i have to find my own way to satisfied my head chef. And guess what on my third week my prep list and setting up already perfect. Not bad isn't? Pretty much happy with that. Well on service, I'm so good at larder because its easy ass section, but on hot section still bit struggling if its busy. And trust me I'm working next to my head chef on hot section and its not fun at all lol.

I am not happy in this workplace. I feel like almost everyday my world falling apart. But i try to be happy in this situation. I try to be happy in these hard days. Not a lot ppl in this place warm to me, really, but some of them yes. At least, the new chefs in the kitchen are much more friendly, funny and love to kindly helping sometimes. Also, the kitchen hands! Gosh i love them, they are great! They are sooo funny and always helping. I couldn't imagine how worsen my life would be if i don't have them in my workplace now. All the old chefs in there are terrible fyi hahaha. Most of the time i feel like wishing to get back to my second workplace which is impossible. So i always think the positive side of working in this new place. Well, at least I'm working start from 9 am and could go home early by 11 pm because its not busy at all, and I could get 2 hours break on some days, also they like to give me ice cream or pizza which could make me happy hoho. Not bad isn't? After they treated me bad, I could always look the positive side by those things. I just like a baby girl, food and ice cream could buy my happiness ahaha but seriously i need to find a reason to be happy, otherwise i will be half alive or even dead.

I am a person who loves to smiling, talking, joking around, laughing, and singing. And for some reason some chefs in there not happy with that. They think i talk too much and joke around more rather than doing my job. Well thats not true. I have done all my job first then I help another section while talking with them. I mean whats wrong with that. Can you imagine how not fun my workplace is? But i need to stay there at least until january if i couldn't get another place to work. So i just pray to God for strong me to get through the days.

My Kind of Perfume

Most of ppl spend lot of their money just for perfume. Well for me thats not worth it. If its for clothes, bags, or shoes i think thats still acceptable. Because those things are visible, but for parfume? Come on hahah thats invisible. You just need a good one with great smell that shows your personality.

As you can see the pic above, thats the perfume that i just bought. Not expensive but smells so good and worth to buy. Usually im always using elizabeth arden, either the green tea eau de or beauty eau de. They are not expensive also, but they are great! 

So, one that i just bought is elizabeth arden too but splendor version and the other one is parfum d'or. They smell really2 greattt for me! Just match with my personality. I think those two better than perfumes that i used before. So i will use splendor for casual/everyday and d'or for special event. Because they have different smell that i think perfect for different occasion. Btw I always buy it in chemist warehouse - sydney because they have lowest price for chemist stuffs, esp perfume.

I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation i may be, for i have learnt from experience that the great part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition and not upon our circumstances -Marth Washington

“Let me be all that I can be
Don’t smother me with negativity
Whatever’s out there waiting for me
I’m going to faced it willingly”

August ; My Wasted Month

Hi, yesterday I was taking a walk, looking for fresh air in the back of my apartment. As I realized, ya I did big mistake to my parents and my brother. This august I was literally having a wasted life. Living a chefs life, working for the whole week in the kitchen and went to pubs or you can call bar and drinking. Not much, really, but could make me typsy afterwards. I did enjoy it with my felix's colleagues and had a good time with them. Always every friday night I hang out with them in this month. I Feel like I'm having terrible life, so I use drinks and meet fun friends as getaway. But really those things can't make me out of the problem really. One fun night and afterwards the bad week keep repeating anyway. As I realized this is not a life that I'm living in. That's not make my parents and my brother happy. Deep in myself somehow I have guilty feeling especially when I'm so typsy and about to drunk. Well it only happened once hahaha. But really, that's not me. I need to get myself back in track. Maybe once in a month or once in two months thats okay, but not every friday night. Especially I don't have right to drunk anyway, Im a girl and have to responsible about myself. Who's looking after me if not myself, right?

So, Im trying to living a balance life now. Start this 1st september gonna start a new beginning.

About Being Strong in Workplace

I wasn't strong person in the kitchen, really. My first workplace didn't teach me about being strong enough as a chef. They only thought me about being perfect at food which is great. But since moved to The second one i learned a lot about many things, most of it about being strong and brave. Heaps of pressure in there but people around you would love to help you get through it. Thats why i love that place and the crew. It is not easy doing new role as a commi chef, but i know i can do it. Saw loads of ppl running that role also in the company but not good enough, and i start to think I'm glad doing my apprenticeship at my first workplace (even tho Le Cordon Bleu students not classified as apprentice, but i took the job for experience). I think if i could help them and start make a change that would be great. My Head Chef before thought me about being the real chef and how to do everything right. I won't erase that knowledge in the new place, even tho i can. I would love to use that knowledge for the rest of my life.

Now I'm commi chef. Guess what? I don't like it hahaha. Role that i have as a new person in the kitchen is not match perfectly as like in the contract. They said I'm commi, but have to run my section by myself which is more like chef de partie. Thats not right. If I already working there for month or more maybe I could accept that. But dude, seriously, I'm fucking new. Only one ppl that kindly helping me in his small amount of time, another person that should helping me doesn't give a fuck. All she can do is complains. Wtf I'm new, she should've guide me not complaining. I know she's in a shit, with heaps of prep for weekend. But thats not how you train new ppl. No recipe also in the kitchen, wth!!! The Head Chef and Sous Chef is not giving a fuck at all to the new Chefs, only a bit, you can't even count that as a hand to help, but its an order. So what should I do? Of couse i need to be strong. Start being bit crazy also when I have shitloads of preparation to do. I need help, but no hand to help, so i oftenly pissed. Don't wanna be like this in kitchen, but yeah, what can I do really, I only can count on myself. Moreover, I could go even more crazy if i saw cockroaches on the wall of the kitchen! Which heaps of them on there. Honestly I'm scared to the core really, but I could go mad and kill it immediately by hit them with something hahaha. Its called confession of broken heart, when you scared+pissed+mad with everything. So if you are Chef, still new, and not strong in the kitchen, believe me sooner or later you will. The circumstances will make you strong. Well, it depends where you working. If not in your job now, maybe the next one will make you stronger. Because every Chef has their strong side of its own. If not, how you can be a Chef and nailed em up and go through the shit days?

Workplace

thought when moved to new workplace my life will get better. the fact is not. i love working at my second one even more. they are nice fun and funny. great place to work with those crazy ppl beside you. well they are crazy at service but not take everything personally. i could laughs everyday with their stupid jokes and enjoy my day almost every days. would love to work there if i get a chance, really. was going out for drink again with them tonight, i had fun. i miss them. they are great ppl to work with and live my days. why should i move to new one? i can't even laughs in there. don't like the ppl in there except one person and several Italians ppl, rest of them are shits. just saying. so tonite i had fun sitting, drinking and talking with my second workplace chefs and their floor staffs. they talk a lot and do lots of sharing with jokes inside it. thats what i love from them. just drinking big glass of beer and one wine at The Angel's Bar, but i think its enough for the 1st round so i don't continue it with them to go for round 2 and 3 which is going for The Royal Bar and Frankie's. I'm not planning to get drunk anyway, ya so i went home. they did push me to continue to the next bar really, but I feel bit sick with my sore throat. i do need heaps of rest. on the other hand, i do love the way they saying goodbye with their warm huggies and kisses on my cheek, and very dizzy hug from karl that he hugs me while twist me also. they just feel like a family. will looking forward to the next friday with them! so, I'm sitting right front of my computer thinking how to get out from the new one and move to second one, or maybe other restaurant that has better chefs in that company. but definitely the second one is the 1st choice because i love them, love the food which is french, and love the energy on it.

My Wish

I wish for good days
I wish for better days in future
I wish for peace and no war
I wish for nice and kind people around me
I wish people could smiles and laughs everyday
I wish surrounded by people who loves me
I wish surrounded by funny people
I wish all my best friends are real
I wish I could laughs everyday
I wish I could meet great people that could inspired me
I wish for beautiful me
I wish for skinniness
I wish for perfect look and perfect body
I wish I am attractive to boys
I wish I could eat everything without worrying about being fat
I wish I could be myself everyday
I wish for happiness everyday
I wish I could cheer up people and make them happy
I wish for kind me to everyone
I wish for better me
I wish I could be a happy chef
I wish I could be great chef someday
I wish all food that I cooked are perfect, even better than I thought
I wish there is no problem in the kitchen
I wish no one would piss me off in the kitchen, so I don't get pissed easily with someone else
I wish there is no fight in the kitchen
I wish people in the kitchen are calm and not going mad or crazy
I wish Im not moody
I wish Im patient
I wish Im smart
I wish I could finish my education soon
I wish I could finish my bachelor or even mastery, so my family proud and nobody humiliates me
I wish I could travel the world someday
I wish I have travelling team
I wish I travel a lot, it doesn't matter where Im going as long as its a nice place to travel

I wish my life going smooth

I wish happiness for my family

I wish I could find Mr Right
I wish I could have dog(s)
I wish I could have a very romantic dinner
I wish I could walk my dog with my boyfriend
I wish I could enjoy beautiful sydney parks and panoramas with my boyfriend
I wish I could have someone that love to pick me up after work or college
I wish there would be someone out there that love me madly for the way I am 

I wish prosperity for future

Some of my wishes could come true and some of my wishes I know would never come true. But thats all I wish everyday for my life.

Alone

Back to those busy days I've been missing. As reality speaks, its not easy. Well i keep enjoying those busy crazy days. Meet new team in Felix Bistro and Bar that is freaking awesome. They are nice, fun, funny, lovely and enjoyable. Well they are if in not busy days, if busy they can be monsters, trust me, i saw them going crazy in service time with my both eyes. They teach me loads of new thing in there that i have no idea about before. Included making awesome fast easy tasty staff meals, be strong, be brave, be fast, saying harsh words, don't give a fuck to unimportant things, and drinking till i get drunk. Life seems bit so not me, but sometimes i think i need to do that to forget about stressful moments in the kitchen.

Well, with my topic up there i wanna share my personal story in the kitchen. As usual, when back into the kitchen i could become a different person. I could be harsh and bit crazy also. Especially when i chase the time and see something wrong in the kitchen. Moreover, everything got worst if i did anything wrong and got warning from my chef. I could be crazy bitch. Well, any chef could be like that, trust me. Even the nicest one. Maybe they not become a crazy bitch, but crazy asshole or dickhead (for guys) hahaha.

It is only the story in the kitchen. What about in other part of my life? Well right now i don't give a fuck really. Especially to those old friends that keep bullshitting around and gossiping about my life that they don't even know or care about. I do believe that they do not care about me. Ive tried to believe they do once, then it leads myself to disappointment. I rather to live alone, or have one or two real friends rather than being with the wrong ones. In my life, I've met so many people. They come and go. And life keep going, right? And i still fine. I tried my best to be a nice person, but if you messing with me, I'm not gonna sit stop and stare. Life already teach me hard about those things. I wouldn't keep accepting shits happen to me. I would keep fighting and stand up for myself.

And you know what? I wouldn't scared to face my life alone, because the fact everyday it is.

My Recently Life Story

Busy is no longer my excuse to not write a post in this blog. Recently, i just lost my job in Fratelli Fresh, Cafè Nice. My head chef had to let me go because he said the restaurant cannot afford me anymore. Not knowing its his really main reason or because something else, i try to keep the positive mind inside my head. In two weeks, God answers my pray, He gave me new job that I've always wanted, i even dreamed of. I work in two venues in big establishment. One is casual and another one is full time. Great restaurant, great job, great places, great kitchens, great teams, great staff meals, and great paid of course! I am sooo happy! Okay, lets move to another topic that i want to share more. It takes like two and a half weeks or even three weeks to not working for full time. Lot of free times for me since that and start to feeling lonely. But do you know? When i found job, i even much more have free time and feel much more lonelier, because there is few days break before i need to start it. I feel like need boyfriend again...... Omg i hate this feeling. I feel empty and lonely. Always. And every love song starts to make senses and breaks my heart. What i have to do? Seriously? Why I'm the one in this world have to feel like this. Im not good hiding my feeling from my friends, I always tell them when I feel lonely and need mr right to erase my lonely days, and it making me look like a desperate girl. I am not that desperate actually, I just wanna share my feeling. I don't even have my partner in crime in here to be with me everyday. Thats why. Well, maybe when I'm going back to my busy days later on in my new job, I would not even thinking about my loneliness. So, I need to get busy then! Monday please come quick!

Words Full of Bullshit

Why most of the ppl like to play around with words? At first they say yes even would promise and eventually they ditch their words. I seriously hate ppl like that. I would fight to keep my words, sacrifice money, time, and energy. And with easily they do the reverse actions with mine. Well, its fuckin unfair. Why should i be the one who satisfy ppl wants rather than mine? And ive came to realize 'okay, this is not right.' I just think im enough with this. And i would not do this anymore. I wouldnt even care. Like i fight for shadow, wasting time that could be money, and burning my money into the air right? Moreover this making me realize who are the real ones that fight for me and not. So, read it carefully bullshit-ers, if u do realize u did this to me or even anyone else with, u better make up those faults, because karma does exist, when u  get into this situation, when u sacrifice everything and get nothing, it would be worse than pain in the ass. 

Your Love & Support, Chefs!

Hi guys, today i want to share story about my journey in Le Cordon Bleu of Culinary Art Institute, Sydney. Im going to finish my course in college within a week and hitting the IP industry for 6 months which included part of the course too. Of course my journey become a student hasn't ended yet! Im still 19th indeed :3 well, never mind. My point of this post is I'm pretty much sad have to leave this beautiful college for 6 months. It feels so fast, you know. It seems yesterday i just started and now its about to finish. It seems yesterday I'm so lame and now I'm much knowledgeable and could be independent in the kitchen, even help my friends if they in need or doing smthg wrong. Nine months is too fast. I changed into a different person that i couldn't imagine before. I become a strong girl that could stand up for myself, trying to treat&cook every ingredients right, and fix my mistake if there's smthg wrong. Well, not that strong haha, but much stronger than before. However, I couldn't do this and made thru without the help, love, and support from my teachers. They are amazing Chefs! I love them so much. They are the persons who makes me keep trying trying and trying. Feel like from my education history, i never met teachers that support me so much like this. I could say they are very dedicated with their job. I would never forget about memories in the college's kitchen with them. Some of them very funny, some of them very strict, but all i know whatever they do in the kitchen, they never forget to bring their supports to motivate the students. Not only that, they are  not only talking, but they do actions. They would love to show students, over and over, again and again how to do this, how to do that without even bored or annoyed. Its amazing that i mostly see is the perfection with what they do to the food, even they not doing or watching the demo. Because of them, i wasn't kezia that only love food, but now I'm kezia that really really madly in love with food, that knows how to treat it well (not perfect, but always trying :p). I always remember from basic i was struggling to cook everything and put it on the plate for my presentation, but whenever it ends up pretty good and they give their compliment on my food, happy surrounded on my face. If i could mention how many dishes, range of difficulties, and how much things to do on workflow within one lesson which only made on 3-4 hours with quick preparation and cleaning, maybe it seems impossible or possible but feel busy like hell, but they make us can through this. So cool isn't? There are so much stories that i would love to share between me and this college plus the awesome teachers. Mostly i found it funny which is the jokes in the kitchen and the clumsiness of me, my friends, or Chefs that likely to happen by unconsciousness or accidentally. And even not little stories too about the drama in the kitchen that could make people going wild, mad, stress, fight, etc. Probably i will write a book someday muahaha! Well, now i don't have much time to write more again, i need to go to work! By this post, i just wanna say a very big thank you to the teacher Chefs in Le Cordon Bleu Sydney, i love them so much!!! Thank you for the lessons, helps, love, supports, memories, and good moments (i will forget about the bad ones haha)! I will never forget all of them, especially my favourite Chefs that i haven't mention on this post (but maybe on the next post). I hope you all well! And of course i would back next year to continue my diploma in there ;) i hope you guys will still be there and see you! Xx.

Life oh life...

Do you know how i miss being a girl i used to be? Had long hair, went to saloon a lot, dressed well, being pretty, went to gym a lot, had good body, got called pretty, rode car everyday, met persons that mostly will make me happy, has great bestfriends+friends, got maid+driver. Trully i miss all of that. Now i live in different country and being a chef. I dont say i dont like being chef. Of course i like it. But the life its very different with i had before. I hv to face and brave do the things im afraid before. Do the things i wouldnt do before. Couldnt even think about look anymore when hitting the kitchen. Even cuts and burns everywhere on my hands. Its a very though life here. I wont cry or regret life that ive chosed. But i just miss being a girl that care of herself & being loved by ppl. Not long time again i would go back to my hometown for vacation and visit my mom. I couldnt tell how much im looking forward for those days. Cant wait to have a big smile on my face again. Everything that i missed will back to me, even tho only in two weeks. Im going to keep my happiness from my hometown to this country for the six months ahead. No matter what happen. I want the cheer-up kezia back into the kitchen, not annoying kezia that lately likely to mad and pissed of easily if smthg wrong in the kitchen. Hopefully :-)

Enough

Here i found myself pissed with everyone around me. Most of it. Seriously i would say rite now i wont trust anybody. I got enough. Sick of every lies and bullshits. And you know what ppl, if u done smthg wrong, i wont bother to tell u whats wrong. I just gonna shut my mouth and stay away. I want u to realize it by yourself. Well if u dont realize it still, let it be, let it be worsen or whatever. I dont wanna give a shit anymore. I had enough being used by other ppl. Now its my time to take care of myself! I dont care ppl priority, i want my priority be number one. No point place other ppl 1st rather than ourself, we'll end up dissapointed anyway. Unless, duty of care, like job, we are getting paid anyway, so i might be compromised with that. Hm, im being bitch rite now? Definitely in this situation. For reason i have to stand up for my life and dont want to end up getting more miserable and go fckin nuts each day. So lets do anything to make life easier!

Awakening

I wish I could make you feel my love

You know what? It strange that I couldn't express my love to someone I like. Yes, that's my problem. I may seem like careless and like wanna only be friends, but the truth I don't know how to show it. I hope you show me a little more patient and care, so someday I can show my love for you, to show that I feel your love too and I care for you too.

Sad Reality

hiii! let me curhat sedikit ya about my life. first of all, i wanna said I'm glad I've finished my intermediate lvl in LCB which is certificate 2. yaaay! trs skrg, i got recess for 3 weeks. seneng gasih? seneng laaah ya! hm tapi the sad thing is gue gajadi liburan balik ke jkt -_- hm hrs kerja. sooo fck ing sad, ya tp gmn lg drpd lose job dr pekerjaan dan tempat yg gue cinta hahaha. btw, skrg gue kerja di fratelli fresh di cafe níce. tmpt kerja yg mayan bgt dan keren (buat gue) hahaha, located in circular quay. mampir ya lo pada ke tmpt krj gue :p hm udh ah udh mulai ga jls. cerita punya cerita. i always sad pas liburan gini. i feel lonely. selaluuuu aja itu keluh kesah gue ya. hahahaha! maklum bu, blm punya pacar. ngenes sih, tp reality nih woy. start to desperate, AGAIN. wakaka penyakit ini always kambuh dan sembuh. kambuh kl lg gada kerjaan dan sembuh kl lg sibuk. okay, what can i say, i feel literally plain. like bosen sm segala nya. apa yg bs buat gue semangaaat lg sm idup dong? apaaa? temen jg ga byk2 amat, apalagi yg super seru dan menyenang kan, duh bgt gasih. serasa pgn plg jkt tau gaaa. best place to live lah in my opinion. semua ada disana. oh ya, trs td pas jln sm kepin, dia blg cmn 2 hal yg bs bkn org betah di sini, yaitu kl punya pacar dan pekerjaan yg oke. wah kebetulan tuh pekerjaan udh oke, cmn krg pacar hahaha. cepet dong Tuhan kirim pacar buat baby eja, baby eja mulai kering kerontang nih :-(

What Do I Missed?

The title above it is not referring to who, but referring to what. How many times in your life, you missed a chances that you couldn't bring it back, or it could be a coincidence that make you stay away from your luck which leads to other person(s) who gets the luck and all you can do is staring at that fortunate person(s). It sucks. And, it would be more hurt, if its your friend(s) or if its your enemy. Trust me it would be such a pain in the ass.

Back referring to my topic. What-do-I-missed. Four words yet have a big meaning in life. You could say, 'It is what I really really want in my life', 'It is my dream', or even the hardcore words would be 'It is my life's desire/passion'. You have chance to get what you missed and you are capable to do it right, but it just not your luck. In other words, you have to say goodbye to your dream(s).

From the words 'what do i missed', I start to think, think, and think again. I feel like I missed massive amount of things. From A to Z. From the way I face myself, my family, my study, my love life, my career, my social life and there are still plenty things if could mention all. If I look back, there were some part of my life that I think I could fix it in the past, and there were some that I think I couldn't fix it because the circumstances. Well, I should get over it they say because there's nothing I can do about it. Yes that's true, i could do NIL with past. But all I'm asking now, what could I do to fix what I missed? I've figured some, but not many, which its not give me big hint to save my life in future. I really want to save something at least from past that I could have in future, at least something, only something if I may, so, I could prove that I really do big effort to make up the mistakes that I did.

Wishing for Serendipity

Since i met that person, i share my story with anggie. And every week i saw him in my workplace i feel happy. Very2 happy. Not just because of look, but i know he's a nice guy since first time we know each other. Not a very perfect guy, but i know he's warm. Last day working at my workplace with him was very impressive. I worked with him all day long. I can't describe how much happy i was. Sadly, I'm not working with him anymore and I'm not even sure whether i can meet him again. But surely, i keep thinking about him everyday. I put that music video because its always remind me of him and the lyrics really deliver what i feel. I might be crazy, but he's way too nice&sweet just like 'my dream boy' and til now i can't forget the way he's smile. I don't know its love or not, but if it is, please serendipity, leads me back to him.

Note to Myself

don't forget to the family back home. the one that gives everything but invisible.