Nothing Free in This World

Hi again, this month I often post stories to my blog. Its not just because this is holiday, its because I have many times to realize much things.

Today I just realized, in my world there's nothing free. Accept, breath. Its a gift from God to every creature in this earth. Different with many people in this world, I have nothing to be proud of. Every things that I have, even my body, there's nothing naturally perfect in there. From head to toe, I have to pay for it. Pay doesn't only mean pay with money, but it also pay with hard work. I was born perfect with no defect, but when I'm growing up many things that is not going well as I imagine. From I was child, I'm ugly and fat. Many children dislike me at that time. I'm struggling to make my looks better and better each year. I pray to God for beauty. He answers it. But, it needs hard work too. People don't know how many sacrifice I made. How many tears falling down and how many sweat wasted on me. I work hard on everything, even on my body. I'm not as lucky as everyone else. If u see me right now and u amaze the different in me in a view years, this is called hard work. But I haven't work very very hard. My appearance still usual. Far from perfect. I just lose 5 kgs and still 10 kgs to go. I'm dreaming of can use every clothes that I have in closet, I'm dreaming of can buy many clothes in the store, not just good in eyes but the brand one. Hahaha I'm dreaming of many things but it is so hard to come true. I have limit in my physical appearance and in money. I really realized about that. Moreover I want to tell u about my limit in my appearance. My face is very sensitive. It has to be taking care very carefully. My hair, it is like hagrid hahaha, but now I blow it every time after I washed my hair. My body, I need to do exercise to reduce my fat. I even can't eat any kinds of food. And there's still many parts of my body that have to be taking care of, I can't tell u all, its gonna be too long if I put it into a words. If only, I was born with thin body and pretty face, I bet I would be a model hahaha. Such a ironic isn't? What I just told u is just about my physical appearance. I haven't told u about my ability in my study. ThankGod I'm okay with my social life now. If I'm not good at everything I bet I would kill myself right now hahaha kidding.

Now I want to tell u about my ability in study. I'm not smart enough like my friends. When I was child, I done many wrong things such as eat many unhealthy food, watching tv and playing games in large amounts of times that can effect stupidity. Hahaha it is my faults, but it is not fully my faults. There's many factors in my circumstances that can make me like this. Busy family, they left me to maid. They gave me every food that I want, because of guilty feelings they were too busy to taking care of me. But it just a past, I already forgive and forget. Now the problem is I'm just an ordinary girl with a big dreams. I have many many dreams, I want to be able to do many things. The problem is I have many limits. I can't count on to my family, they have limit too. They are getting older, each year their limitation increases. I have to be mature each year too. Many things cannot describe by eyes, it has to describe by feelings. It is so true there's wise man said the biggest battle is what I know vs. what I feel. Back to my topic, despite of everything I never give up to study, even my brain is so-so or sometimes it's below average hahaha. No matter how hard it is, it is my responsible to my life and my parents. Like the title, there's nothing free in this world. To get everything we must pay. Pay with everything we have. 


Note this people, I don't wanna give up on my life. No matter I failed one thousand times, I will never give up to try. I want to be success. I want to be something I've been dreaming of. That's all I want. I don't need recognition from other people. People can talk what they want. All matter is me and my family.


To people who don't know me and judges me. Go talk as much as u want. U don't know how I feel. It is hard to be me. In my weakness, at least I still try. But, I don't care with those people. They don't have mirror. They think they are perfect. That's fine. Maybe I'm not as perfect as they are, but note this every people can changes. Everybody can changes when there is a will. U will be amaze when u overlook the progress from people who have a will. It can changes slow or fast, depends on that person, how big is their will. Even if, it changes slow, it can be slowly but sure. 


Let me tell u, I talked like this it's not because I'm not grateful, I am. But, I just want to share to everyone about my journey of life. I haven't arrived to my target yet, I'm still on my way and I'm struggling with it. But, I am proud to be Kezia Joviana Kristel. God makes no mistakes on me. He just wants to mold me to be something beautiful. No regrets in my life I become me. Also, I am thankful I still can laugh everyday no matter how hard life is. For me, smile its a give and laughter is a blessing from God.


So people let's never stop dreaming, ur dreams can come true. Keep doing what's right and stay away from what's wrong. U don't know what may happen in future. Cause God sees what u've done and He has ears. Words also have power. He will listen to ur pray and when its time He will grant ur pray. If its not worked as ur plans, it means He has a better plans for u.

My Brother is The Best

Sooo, i want to tell u about my brother. He is such a nice person and very sweet to his little sisters. Now, he already work in Sydney and he likes to share electronic stuffs with his sisters. He likes to bought us apple products. My sister already got new itouch and mac mini, but she also share with me.Yesterday i got a shipment from my bro thru riana's parents. He send me a laptop from aussie wohooo. Thanks a lot bro! Actually i ask macbook pro from my parents view months ago, but they said they would buy me that later as my present when I'm in to the university in aussie. So i told to my bro i need laptop for my foundation course and he said he would give me his laptop later. One day after my bday he send me his laptop. Even he just gave me the usual macbook, it is so sweet isn't? He said its my present for my bday. Awww i love my brother the most! Once again thanks a lot kak nathan, i love u so much :) :* ({}) <3

Be Better Than You Were Yesterday

Disappointment. Thats what i feel. From family and friends. Theres conflict between my hearts telling me they shud be care otherwise the reality is not. My mind blaming myself but i dont find something wrong with me, did i do wrong to them? Did i ever talk wrong to them? I dont think so. Am i bad person? If i am, is it that bad? Or its they fault? Or this is the circumstance fault? I dont know.
The truth is, yesterday was my birthday and just a view ppl care about me, several of my bestfriends become a bitch. Idk, but i just feel like that. And many ppl who usually greetings me not greetings me anymore this year. My family like usual, they often careless. Even in the end they treated me dinner. Why i say careless? Because they didnt congrats me directly on my bday (except my brother, he called me from aussie in the morning), every year they never concern about surprise and at that day they still annoying. Well, it is not what i imagine. I hate the feeling hunger of care from everyone around me. I mean, where is people attention on my special day? When its their turn, i always pay attention on it, esp my friends. Its weird, u have so many friends but just a little amount of people who care to u the most and they on holiday hahaha what a joke. Wheres the rest of it? Hello? Im surrounded by massive amount of people but I feel like have no one. Today i pull out every shit words that comes thru my mouth to my sister, which is 'being popular is important'. No, it is not that important. It is fun to have lot of people surround u and have many relations in ur life. But the most matter, they are real or not? Or they just shadow who came into ur life and they will disappear when ure not around them anymore? Being popular is just temporary. All we need is real friends. Real friends, never leave u. They will beside u when u are in the greatest moment of life or in the lowest moment of life. And even when time flies and ure not together with 'em , their love for u never fade away. Now, i change my statement, 'having a real friends it is the most important things in ur life'. To get many real friends, all u need to do is being nice to every people around u. Theres no advantage of being mean, it can only decrease friends from ur life. If I was mean in the old days, im sorry. I was blind by 'feeling more' from the another humans, which they are not as lucky as me.
Enough with the talking things, im tired of it. I dont even wanna prize this again. I am person with too much expectation. In the end, i get dissapointed. I dont want to rely on anyone anymore. I also have lesson learn from my mom, shes now 55 years old but she has too many expectation about her life to every person in her family and she get disappointed. She even rely the most to the partner of her life and she still get disappointed. It is something, right? That's why I dont want to rely on anyone, I just want to rely on God and myself. This is the climax time of my life. I learn many things on my 18 bday. Now, as i cant expect many things from anyone, let me taking care of myself. Lemme prove, my life is something that i can be proud of. I wanna be one thousand times better than before. I wanna concern on my future. I wanna be dilligent, pretty, lose 10 kgs, i wanna get a great quality boyfriend, i wanna earn money by myself, and loads of things to wish for. But i cant just only wish, thats a things i MUST work out. Many ways to achieve it, its only matter of time. Also, the most importing of my life right now is; i have to success on my foundation course which is get GPA over 8.0 and get in to UTS. I have to go to Aussie next year. My study in Aussie is my turning point. I want to prove to everyone, that i can. I can be better, i can be mature, and even i can be more success from everyone who under estimate me. Im different, i may have a failure in life, but it doesnt mean im fail. Life still goes on and when still there is a time, we still can repair everything.

Best People in Moi Life

Dari semua sahabat yang gue punya, cmn ada 3 orang yang paling berkesan dalam hidup gue. Bukan nya mencoba untuk mebeda bedakan ya, tp emg bener. Kerasa bgt effect mereka di hidup gue dan gue bener2 enjoy kalo ada mereka. Kalo kita cerita ga cmn basa basi aja tp beneran dengerin dan saling ngasih advice. Rasa nya kita tuh kaya ada magnet nya gitu haha lebay. Ga dari dulu pas SMA sampe skrg masih aja rasa sayang gue mereka ga berubah dan juga rasa sayang mereka. Kalo udh ketemu mereka bakal heboh bgt deh, apalgi kalo ngabisin waktu seharian brg mrk, rasa nya heaven bgt. Sumpah ya, gue sayang banget sama mereka. Kalo sampe gue udah pindah pasti gue bakalan ngerasa berat banget ninggalin mereka :'(

Ini nih si Fristine, kalo ada apa apa selalu aja gue ke Fristine. Terus dia kalo suka ngajak pergi bikin gue plg telat mulu trs diomelin mama deh hahaha :p

Ini si Jasmine, si wise&smart one, ohya dia jg lucu bgt hahaha dan selalu aja kl kt bercanda bs nyambung & ngakak terpingkal pingkal 

Dan ini adalah vita, dia pendengar yang baik banget. Kalo cerita sama dia rasa nya nyambung bgt. Tp skrg jrg ngmng sm dia, kpn nih vit ngobrol panjang lg? Hahaha

NEVER GOOD ENOUGH?!

I always ask why to myself; why no matter how hard ive tried, i never been super fantastic. Boro2 super fantastic, good enough aja jaraaaaaaaaaang bgt HAHA. Super rare. Bisa diitung pake jari kali. WHY WHY WHY AND WHY????????? Everybody seems fine with their life. Its not that im not gratefull, but i just sad with 'so-so' result. Good is quite enough, but so-so.... IT IS NOT FINE. Tired of it. I just wanna live with love and no regrets. Yeahhh hahahaha, mulai ngelantur nih. Gue cmn pgn hdp normal yg fine2 aja sih hoho, but am i asking too much? Well, i know life its not easy and theres lot challenges in it dan kt cmn liat org lain dari luar doang, ga nyampe dlm2 nya. Gue yakin sih semua org punya problem. It is life and thats how it goes. Fuhhh, capek ya idup hahaha tp byk seneng2 nya jg sih. Gatau diri lo emg kez, minta di kill :p Ohya gue jg mau curcol nih. Also, lately i always have many things to do but so little time. Back again its my fault who really bad at managing time.

Ok stop complaining, THINK POSITIVE!!! +++++

And i have message for myself : KEZI SADAR WOY SADAR!!!!!!!! WAKE UP FROM UR DREAMS, IN REAL LIFE U HV TO FIGHT FOR EVERYTHING THAT U WANT. START FROM URSELF. STOP DEMAND EVERYTHING FROM UR PARENTS, PLEASE BE INDEPENDENT AND MATURE. LIFE WOULD BE MORE EASIER & BEATIFUL IF U SEE NOT JUST FROM ONE PROSPECTIVE, TRY TO SEE LIFE FROM MANY PROSPRECTIVE.

Hahaha okay peopleee may be u think im crazy talking to myself, but this is how i motivate myself. I put it in my blog so i wont forget what i have to do. This is not just for me, but this can be for everyone who need motivation. Keep ur spirit up guys, we can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Ohya, btw kmrn gue denger pendeta kotbah dan gue lg kosen bgt gt dehhh haha trs he said that kalo kt ngelakuin sesuatu dgn totalitas kita akan dapet hasil yg maksimal, but if we dont dan cmn ngerjain nya setengah2 ato ga sampe total (nanggung lah bahasa nya) well, jangan berharap dapet hasil yg maksimal. So, it is a good advice for me and i hope this can give u new prospective of life too.

Have a great day everyone, adios amigos!

Ps : maaf bhs inggris indo dicampur campur, sbnr nya pgn post pake bhs inggris cmn berhubung ini udh malem dan gue lg capek mikir so yaudah campur campur aja hahahaha really sorry for the inconvenient