August ; My Wasted Month

Hi, yesterday I was taking a walk, looking for fresh air in the back of my apartment. As I realized, ya I did big mistake to my parents and my brother. This august I was literally having a wasted life. Living a chefs life, working for the whole week in the kitchen and went to pubs or you can call bar and drinking. Not much, really, but could make me typsy afterwards. I did enjoy it with my felix's colleagues and had a good time with them. Always every friday night I hang out with them in this month. I Feel like I'm having terrible life, so I use drinks and meet fun friends as getaway. But really those things can't make me out of the problem really. One fun night and afterwards the bad week keep repeating anyway. As I realized this is not a life that I'm living in. That's not make my parents and my brother happy. Deep in myself somehow I have guilty feeling especially when I'm so typsy and about to drunk. Well it only happened once hahaha. But really, that's not me. I need to get myself back in track. Maybe once in a month or once in two months thats okay, but not every friday night. Especially I don't have right to drunk anyway, Im a girl and have to responsible about myself. Who's looking after me if not myself, right?

So, Im trying to living a balance life now. Start this 1st september gonna start a new beginning.

About Being Strong in Workplace

I wasn't strong person in the kitchen, really. My first workplace didn't teach me about being strong enough as a chef. They only thought me about being perfect at food which is great. But since moved to The second one i learned a lot about many things, most of it about being strong and brave. Heaps of pressure in there but people around you would love to help you get through it. Thats why i love that place and the crew. It is not easy doing new role as a commi chef, but i know i can do it. Saw loads of ppl running that role also in the company but not good enough, and i start to think I'm glad doing my apprenticeship at my first workplace (even tho Le Cordon Bleu students not classified as apprentice, but i took the job for experience). I think if i could help them and start make a change that would be great. My Head Chef before thought me about being the real chef and how to do everything right. I won't erase that knowledge in the new place, even tho i can. I would love to use that knowledge for the rest of my life.

Now I'm commi chef. Guess what? I don't like it hahaha. Role that i have as a new person in the kitchen is not match perfectly as like in the contract. They said I'm commi, but have to run my section by myself which is more like chef de partie. Thats not right. If I already working there for month or more maybe I could accept that. But dude, seriously, I'm fucking new. Only one ppl that kindly helping me in his small amount of time, another person that should helping me doesn't give a fuck. All she can do is complains. Wtf I'm new, she should've guide me not complaining. I know she's in a shit, with heaps of prep for weekend. But thats not how you train new ppl. No recipe also in the kitchen, wth!!! The Head Chef and Sous Chef is not giving a fuck at all to the new Chefs, only a bit, you can't even count that as a hand to help, but its an order. So what should I do? Of couse i need to be strong. Start being bit crazy also when I have shitloads of preparation to do. I need help, but no hand to help, so i oftenly pissed. Don't wanna be like this in kitchen, but yeah, what can I do really, I only can count on myself. Moreover, I could go even more crazy if i saw cockroaches on the wall of the kitchen! Which heaps of them on there. Honestly I'm scared to the core really, but I could go mad and kill it immediately by hit them with something hahaha. Its called confession of broken heart, when you scared+pissed+mad with everything. So if you are Chef, still new, and not strong in the kitchen, believe me sooner or later you will. The circumstances will make you strong. Well, it depends where you working. If not in your job now, maybe the next one will make you stronger. Because every Chef has their strong side of its own. If not, how you can be a Chef and nailed em up and go through the shit days?

Workplace

thought when moved to new workplace my life will get better. the fact is not. i love working at my second one even more. they are nice fun and funny. great place to work with those crazy ppl beside you. well they are crazy at service but not take everything personally. i could laughs everyday with their stupid jokes and enjoy my day almost every days. would love to work there if i get a chance, really. was going out for drink again with them tonight, i had fun. i miss them. they are great ppl to work with and live my days. why should i move to new one? i can't even laughs in there. don't like the ppl in there except one person and several Italians ppl, rest of them are shits. just saying. so tonite i had fun sitting, drinking and talking with my second workplace chefs and their floor staffs. they talk a lot and do lots of sharing with jokes inside it. thats what i love from them. just drinking big glass of beer and one wine at The Angel's Bar, but i think its enough for the 1st round so i don't continue it with them to go for round 2 and 3 which is going for The Royal Bar and Frankie's. I'm not planning to get drunk anyway, ya so i went home. they did push me to continue to the next bar really, but I feel bit sick with my sore throat. i do need heaps of rest. on the other hand, i do love the way they saying goodbye with their warm huggies and kisses on my cheek, and very dizzy hug from karl that he hugs me while twist me also. they just feel like a family. will looking forward to the next friday with them! so, I'm sitting right front of my computer thinking how to get out from the new one and move to second one, or maybe other restaurant that has better chefs in that company. but definitely the second one is the 1st choice because i love them, love the food which is french, and love the energy on it.

My Wish

I wish for good days
I wish for better days in future
I wish for peace and no war
I wish for nice and kind people around me
I wish people could smiles and laughs everyday
I wish surrounded by people who loves me
I wish surrounded by funny people
I wish all my best friends are real
I wish I could laughs everyday
I wish I could meet great people that could inspired me
I wish for beautiful me
I wish for skinniness
I wish for perfect look and perfect body
I wish I am attractive to boys
I wish I could eat everything without worrying about being fat
I wish I could be myself everyday
I wish for happiness everyday
I wish I could cheer up people and make them happy
I wish for kind me to everyone
I wish for better me
I wish I could be a happy chef
I wish I could be great chef someday
I wish all food that I cooked are perfect, even better than I thought
I wish there is no problem in the kitchen
I wish no one would piss me off in the kitchen, so I don't get pissed easily with someone else
I wish there is no fight in the kitchen
I wish people in the kitchen are calm and not going mad or crazy
I wish Im not moody
I wish Im patient
I wish Im smart
I wish I could finish my education soon
I wish I could finish my bachelor or even mastery, so my family proud and nobody humiliates me
I wish I could travel the world someday
I wish I have travelling team
I wish I travel a lot, it doesn't matter where Im going as long as its a nice place to travel

I wish my life going smooth

I wish happiness for my family

I wish I could find Mr Right
I wish I could have dog(s)
I wish I could have a very romantic dinner
I wish I could walk my dog with my boyfriend
I wish I could enjoy beautiful sydney parks and panoramas with my boyfriend
I wish I could have someone that love to pick me up after work or college
I wish there would be someone out there that love me madly for the way I am 

I wish prosperity for future

Some of my wishes could come true and some of my wishes I know would never come true. But thats all I wish everyday for my life.

Alone

Back to those busy days I've been missing. As reality speaks, its not easy. Well i keep enjoying those busy crazy days. Meet new team in Felix Bistro and Bar that is freaking awesome. They are nice, fun, funny, lovely and enjoyable. Well they are if in not busy days, if busy they can be monsters, trust me, i saw them going crazy in service time with my both eyes. They teach me loads of new thing in there that i have no idea about before. Included making awesome fast easy tasty staff meals, be strong, be brave, be fast, saying harsh words, don't give a fuck to unimportant things, and drinking till i get drunk. Life seems bit so not me, but sometimes i think i need to do that to forget about stressful moments in the kitchen.

Well, with my topic up there i wanna share my personal story in the kitchen. As usual, when back into the kitchen i could become a different person. I could be harsh and bit crazy also. Especially when i chase the time and see something wrong in the kitchen. Moreover, everything got worst if i did anything wrong and got warning from my chef. I could be crazy bitch. Well, any chef could be like that, trust me. Even the nicest one. Maybe they not become a crazy bitch, but crazy asshole or dickhead (for guys) hahaha.

It is only the story in the kitchen. What about in other part of my life? Well right now i don't give a fuck really. Especially to those old friends that keep bullshitting around and gossiping about my life that they don't even know or care about. I do believe that they do not care about me. Ive tried to believe they do once, then it leads myself to disappointment. I rather to live alone, or have one or two real friends rather than being with the wrong ones. In my life, I've met so many people. They come and go. And life keep going, right? And i still fine. I tried my best to be a nice person, but if you messing with me, I'm not gonna sit stop and stare. Life already teach me hard about those things. I wouldn't keep accepting shits happen to me. I would keep fighting and stand up for myself.

And you know what? I wouldn't scared to face my life alone, because the fact everyday it is.

My Recently Life Story

Busy is no longer my excuse to not write a post in this blog. Recently, i just lost my job in Fratelli Fresh, Cafè Nice. My head chef had to let me go because he said the restaurant cannot afford me anymore. Not knowing its his really main reason or because something else, i try to keep the positive mind inside my head. In two weeks, God answers my pray, He gave me new job that I've always wanted, i even dreamed of. I work in two venues in big establishment. One is casual and another one is full time. Great restaurant, great job, great places, great kitchens, great teams, great staff meals, and great paid of course! I am sooo happy! Okay, lets move to another topic that i want to share more. It takes like two and a half weeks or even three weeks to not working for full time. Lot of free times for me since that and start to feeling lonely. But do you know? When i found job, i even much more have free time and feel much more lonelier, because there is few days break before i need to start it. I feel like need boyfriend again...... Omg i hate this feeling. I feel empty and lonely. Always. And every love song starts to make senses and breaks my heart. What i have to do? Seriously? Why I'm the one in this world have to feel like this. Im not good hiding my feeling from my friends, I always tell them when I feel lonely and need mr right to erase my lonely days, and it making me look like a desperate girl. I am not that desperate actually, I just wanna share my feeling. I don't even have my partner in crime in here to be with me everyday. Thats why. Well, maybe when I'm going back to my busy days later on in my new job, I would not even thinking about my loneliness. So, I need to get busy then! Monday please come quick!