Learning to Live

Just today my brother complains about his life, he said he always sacrifice himself for anyone but no one care about him at the end of day. Me as his sister made a lot mistakes to him, and i feel i have the biggest responsible for made him that way.

He said he has the worst life ever. What about me? I am not as old as him and I'm not having the same life as him. But really, my life goes up and down, met ppl who could treat me the worst, dropped my self esteem a lot when was looking for a job, and most of the time i cannot fight back to problems. Lot bad things happened. And I'm still fck ing 19 years old. I always trying to survive thou. I learn how to deal with people. Try to see good things in bad. Try to do goods even all i want to do is not give a damn at all. My life is bitter. All this year i try to be patient, patient, and more patient to everyone. Trying to tolerate something i couldn't. Trying to understand everyone. Maybe you all don't get what i mean, but at this point, is not only my brother that feeling desperate about life. Im sick also. Im in pain. And i never ask for someone to understand me, cause i know they couldn't.

I know I'm not as nice as him. I know his life is bitter too. Also i know i never could payback his kindness to me. But, life will not forever be like this. God is fair. He sees our pain and our heart.

If only your patient could cover the scars in your heart, why don't try to face the shit days with smile, bro? Forget the people who treat you wrong, they are worthless. Me as your sister not perfect also, i have big problem in my life most of the day, but i do really love you as my brother. Regardless of all my mistake, i apologise. Thanks for being a good one beside me. You could face the days, i believe you are stronger than me.

At the end of the day, you realise we all learning to live. And time is all we got. So never give up on life.

Life's Surprise

Wasn't expecting got terminated from my workplace, which is the Italian restaurant. I know i wasn't perfect working in there, but I didn't get enough training and I did try my best to work in there. I only working in there just for a month and a week, how can they expect perfection from me? I just think they being rasist because I am the only asian in there and they prefer work with either Australian or Italian.

I like the company but I hate that Italian restaurant. Bit hard to let go the benefits by employed by that company, but thats fine with me. I can't get everything that I want right? Life is not perfect. Just like economic law that I learned before from my favourite teacher, ceteris paribus, "to get something, we must lose something."

Despite of all that, I am perfectly happy! Lol. I got new job already. Not far from that place, still in Winyard area in city. Just located at the back street of my previous workplace. I had trial in there already, the team chefs are much much better. Spoke with the Head Chef about condition on that place, my salary, my duties, my sections I will be in, and I am pretty much happy with that. I am glad that place have Head Chef that sort of open and would hear feedback from a junior chef like me. So definitely I will take that job and start on next monday. I think this workplace sort of meet my expectation because they have complete recipe of every dishes, quite complete cooking's tools, they provide training to new chefs, and the team is quite nice. I don't expect to be treated well in the kitchen, I know there must be pressure in there especially when its busy, but having people around with right attitude and have good humour will make life better in the kitchen, if you know what I mean.

And honestly, Im glad to be kicked out from that hell because the conditions in my previous workplace is the reverse side of conditions in the new one. So, I lost the job by this Monday and get a new one on this Wednesday. I feel so blessed by God. Like, He provides me everything that I need. I feel like He really really hear my crying, my pain when I was working at that Italian restaurant. For more than my first 2 weeks in there I cried almost everyday. And most of the time I feel exhausted with crazy working hours they give me. They put 60 hours/week which actually is not right for junior chef like me, i supposed only work for 40-45 hours/week. Worst of all they only pay me 38 hours/week instead i was working for 60 hours/week. Also they never give tips as my right as employee. So basically that workplace is misleading the authority that company gives.

So Im glad I'm over with that place, wish my new one would be long last. Wish that place could bring the best side of me as a chef and could give me heaps of lesson into a better one.

Attention!

To all single ladies,

Always remember to be happy, because you never know who's falling in love with you smile

Cheers!

Positive Attitude (part 2)

Its been more than a month I'm working in my current workplace that i told you before. Not like any other old days, my life gets better. Kezia that loves to smile, sing, joking around, act like child, and bit clumsy is almost accepted in the workplace for some reason. I am a good one actually and could be more serious if in hot section, but if in larder section mostly i often playing around because its an easy one. Back to the topic before, i think the reason i start to get accepted in there because that place is very boring with flat chefs like most of them. They don't joking around most of the time and rarely sing. Unlike every fun chefs usually. So MAYBE, just maybe, when i join the team and make their day bit more cheerful, they started to like me. First they didn't and now they are. They even told me on my day off that place is very boring. Wohoo I'm flattered! Finally chefs, finally, you guys are not blind. And finally they slowly slowly can give respond to my joke. What a weird life, what a weird chefs. Well, actually theres one chef thats very funny but most of the time he's annoying and i think he's bit rasis just like my head chef hahahaha. Fyi I'm the only asian in my current workplace and i don't know the reason.

I still get mad by lot of chefs before and until now even i do good things, but i don't care lol. And if hey don't like me? I don't go fck ing care too, seriously. I just keep being me and do my best. I start to be invulnerable with my character in that workplace. Sometimes i admit, I'm a bit dumb dumb, i like to play dare with them and then lost and got punishment. But i always face it with smile and laugh and do the shit job they gave.

Well most of it, i would say life get better because of the kitchen hands in my workplace. They help me a lot, they talk to me a lot, they cheer me up, they joking around with me, and they obviously made my days. I laughs a lot because of them. Especially theres one french kitchen hand thats very funny, every time i meet him i always be very happy and laughs a lot. So ya, my workplace is not that bad now. And theres sous chef from my second workplace who's gonna move to my current workplace also. So ya, I'm welcoming happy days *dancing*.

The thing is when you don't like something, try to look positive side of it and try be happy. You will see the days get better. Never stuck on past, because it'll make you go crazy and never move on. You will think to run from reality rather than face it. And i believe life not supposed to be like that. Just have a faith that God will give you better opportunity in another chances if you appreciate life he gives to you and do your best shot on whatever situation you have now.

Talk about my second workplace, i love them so much, but life changes and i have to move on, i may want to spend all my days with them, whether good days or bad ones, but thats not my life story, so i have to let them go. We will still meet each other in locker room anyway. And its good for me to stop hang out with them every friday night. The main reason is they are addictive and they will make me sad with my current life i have now and i will be negative and i don't want that. Goodbye loves and past, my heart will always with you guys, chefs, xx.

Goodbye

I dont know how many times ive cried since ive working in the new restaurant. I did plenty of crying and now still. I try to be happy as much as i can but reality speaks the reserve of it. The thing is i always look to the past, yes my second workplace. Feel like mostly chefs in my workplace now not treating me good, well they are bad i think. They are harsh, careless, and annoying. Oh gosh, i really2 miss my team before. Only work with them for 2 weeks but we already close to each other. One day without seeing them is like one day of misery. I do see them quite often in locker room because those restaurants are in the same company, but not everyday. Its been couple of days not seeing them. I miss their laughs, smiles, jokes, stories, short chats, hugs, and teamwork. I could tell you that is not smooth days in there, its a though one. Its a crazy busy restaurant, but ppl in there will help you out if you running low. And they are funny, even hilarious. There is no day without laugh and smiling in there for me. I did struggling and wishing my day would end, but only at service because they pushed me a lot. Afterwards is a happy days. They don't take every problems personally. And swearing? Its common there, even they are who's teaching me swearing a lot hahaha. They do swearing when mad, talking generally, and joking around. I know its bad but its funny. Also some chefs in there love to give me a hug, it feels so nice and i just feel acceptable by that, you know. Never been treated this way in any workplace before. I would love to go back and work with them, i know its not easy but I'm willing to learn if the head chef give me a chance, but sadly he didn't because its already full team now. Few days ago i went home earlier and passed thru their restaurant, i saw them chillin around after finished working and waiting for the pastry section to finish. My heart broken. I want to be part of it. I miss them but I cannot go there and only can watch from outside that reality changes. I am not part of them anymore and have to keep the distance. Its torturing me. Can you see how great their team work also? They waiting for pastry chefs to finish before home while talking with them. Thats the great team I'm dreaming of. On my current workplace i will never find something like that. Never. They are not fun at all. How i wish have a great team like that back into my life. Like two weeks that i had with them is the best work experience of my life. And probably i will never be part of their team anymore. Well, so long dickheads, i love you all so much crazy chefs. I have to accept the reality with brave heart and move on.

Positive Attitude

Its going on week 4 in new workplace. Time flies so fast without i even realised it. Ive been there almost a month. All bad things and good things i accept it as lesson learn. As my story before, i don't treated well in this place, but i do struggling a lot. Ive tried my best on every section I'm working on. And i think chefs in there know that i pay attention on every word they said. Perfection is my goal, but I'm on the way to there. My head chef expect me to be fuckin perfect since for the 1st week I'm working in there, but that absolutely impossible for any chefs in this world isn't? Except my position in sous chef or higher. Not getting good training from every chefs that responsible in there, but i have to find my own way to satisfied my head chef. And guess what on my third week my prep list and setting up already perfect. Not bad isn't? Pretty much happy with that. Well on service, I'm so good at larder because its easy ass section, but on hot section still bit struggling if its busy. And trust me I'm working next to my head chef on hot section and its not fun at all lol.

I am not happy in this workplace. I feel like almost everyday my world falling apart. But i try to be happy in this situation. I try to be happy in these hard days. Not a lot ppl in this place warm to me, really, but some of them yes. At least, the new chefs in the kitchen are much more friendly, funny and love to kindly helping sometimes. Also, the kitchen hands! Gosh i love them, they are great! They are sooo funny and always helping. I couldn't imagine how worsen my life would be if i don't have them in my workplace now. All the old chefs in there are terrible fyi hahaha. Most of the time i feel like wishing to get back to my second workplace which is impossible. So i always think the positive side of working in this new place. Well, at least I'm working start from 9 am and could go home early by 11 pm because its not busy at all, and I could get 2 hours break on some days, also they like to give me ice cream or pizza which could make me happy hoho. Not bad isn't? After they treated me bad, I could always look the positive side by those things. I just like a baby girl, food and ice cream could buy my happiness ahaha but seriously i need to find a reason to be happy, otherwise i will be half alive or even dead.

I am a person who loves to smiling, talking, joking around, laughing, and singing. And for some reason some chefs in there not happy with that. They think i talk too much and joke around more rather than doing my job. Well thats not true. I have done all my job first then I help another section while talking with them. I mean whats wrong with that. Can you imagine how not fun my workplace is? But i need to stay there at least until january if i couldn't get another place to work. So i just pray to God for strong me to get through the days.

My Kind of Perfume

Most of ppl spend lot of their money just for perfume. Well for me thats not worth it. If its for clothes, bags, or shoes i think thats still acceptable. Because those things are visible, but for parfume? Come on hahah thats invisible. You just need a good one with great smell that shows your personality.

As you can see the pic above, thats the perfume that i just bought. Not expensive but smells so good and worth to buy. Usually im always using elizabeth arden, either the green tea eau de or beauty eau de. They are not expensive also, but they are great! 

So, one that i just bought is elizabeth arden too but splendor version and the other one is parfum d'or. They smell really2 greattt for me! Just match with my personality. I think those two better than perfumes that i used before. So i will use splendor for casual/everyday and d'or for special event. Because they have different smell that i think perfect for different occasion. Btw I always buy it in chemist warehouse - sydney because they have lowest price for chemist stuffs, esp perfume.

I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation i may be, for i have learnt from experience that the great part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition and not upon our circumstances -Marth Washington

“Let me be all that I can be
Don’t smother me with negativity
Whatever’s out there waiting for me
I’m going to faced it willingly”