It's been 14 weeks or over 3 months I've been study in foundation studies. Time past by so fast, I even dont realize my semester exams almost close. Today, I realized that I feel empty. I feel the world like falling apart into me. I used to feel confident and think like I know lot of things more than everyone, but the reality tells me not. I'm just a piece of crap. A little lack can dispel my confident.
As time goes by, I feel everything changes. At the climax of my confuses, I start to thinking what I've done and try to find out what I'm missing in my life. In this point, I realize I cant tell my story to anyone or my bestfriends directly like I used to. At that moment, I randomly want to cry. I try to strunggling by myself, pretending nothing happened, but I still cant resist my tears, it starts fallin down from my eyes. It wont stop till I'm tired of thinking and fall asleep. I miss my bestfriends so much, I need them, I really do. Moreover rite now, I want their hugs and their jokes, which all they did to cheer me up always works out when I'm crying. I remember back then, we always laugh hard because all those stupid jokes they've made to make me forget my sadness. At that time, all my burden seems become more lightly. Life seems worthwhile. But now everything changes, I'm not around them anymore.
Beside of that, I'm having new friends too. I'm happy but it's not that easy to tell them everything, even if I close to them. I have to preserve my attitude. Also, I have to stick around with one or two people that I don't like. It's become more harder and more harder for me. I tend to be quiet or mad when those two people around. I cant control myself and oftenly I become mean. I hate to do that. But, when it comes to do something that I'm not into it, I always keep a distance from it. I feel now I'm changes not like I used to, I become not very open to my new friends and now I'm very sensitive. Little thing that changes or hurt me, makes me wondering "Is that my fault? What did I do?". Otherwise, lot of things makes me dissapointed too. My school, my teacher, my score, my social life, and even my family. Everything seems unfair right now. I'm not perfect, but everyone always demanding the best part of me. It makes me cannot breath easily.
I often feel seems lot of friends surround me but I still feel empty. I just need someone to lean on, someone to talk to. Someone who understand me very well and that person can remind me if I did mistakes. That person will not leave me, no matter what happen. That person will always stay by my side. Not just in happy times, but in sad times too. "Me and you against the world together". I love that words, not trying to be naive, but that's life I imagine. Well, I hope everything turn out soon into something good and I hope that "someone" can come to changes my life.
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