Please Hear My Cry Out

Do u know what the hardest thing in life? When u fight for several people u love the most in this world, but they don't recognize it. They even still demand something that somehow they know u won't achieved it. They want u become the duplicate of someone better, someone is not u. Thats how i feel today. I try my best to make everything okay but I'm not appreciated. The most hard part is I'm not appreciated by my closest people in my life, which is my family. My parents, they always compare me with my brother and my sister. Why mom? Why dad? I am a good kid. Im not like my friends. I always concern about u both, but none of u realize it. Why both of u forget my kindness easily rather than my bro&sis. It hurts u know. Moreover, u both make me like this while my exams is getting closer.

Letter to mom and dad :
Dear mom&dad, can u see my changes in life? I change a lottt for u both. Its good for me, i know. But i struggling hard to achieve everything that u want. None of words that came out from ur mouth I'm not listen. I may look like careless, but believe me i reflect every word that came from ur mouth in my mind and try to fix it. I just want u both love me for who i am and understand me. Please hear my cry out. I try to be different in this world, follow the good and avoid the bad. Try to be good, while others not. Try to hear, while others not. Try to understand, while others not. But none of u both realize it. Since i realize how big is ur love for me, i study hard. But sadly, i never reached my target. Its always end up with so-so or I'm failed. It is my limitation. Lets put it I'm an idiot, at least I'm struggling. I always try to reach my goal. Can u even appreciated me a little? I do, i do wanna make u both smile, i do wanna make u both happy. More than u guys imagine, somehow in my mind, my goal in life is for u both. To make u guys happy it is all i ever wanted. When u both smile, i know thats my happiness. I do want to go to university and graduate for u both too. Have a good life. Be a super rich to take care of u, when u are getting older and older. I even imagine travelling a world with u guys and we are all super happy. All is for u both, my dreams is u both. Why none of u realize? Maybe I'm not a child who can show my love by actions because I'm busy. But when i do everything, i always put u guys in my mind, so i won't do anything wrong and so i work hard for everything in my life. I never underestimated life because of u both. And most of it, u both are the reason for all this time i don't wanna ruin my life at all.

If u both don't love me anymore or don't care about me anymore, maybe I'm gonna die. No point, I do all this things.

Please, please, please understand me. When I say i have to study and try to avoid everything it doesn't mean I'm selfish, I just don't wanna repeat my failure in life. When i try to find entertainment with my friends it doesn't mean I'm selfish, I just stuck with my study and i just want to have fun for a while.

To mom :
Somehow, because ur demand is too high mom, I'm avoiding u. I just don't like to argue, it always end up with fight between us. Both of us mad to each other and its sad. No use. U make every little thing become big. Why don't u make everything become simple? So, ur life will be easier.

To dad:
It is often u act freak, dad. Im okay with that, but please don't hurt my feelings. Don't pass my comfort zone. When u do that, i become defensive. I love u, but u never understand me. I really understand ure a so-humble-person, even ure often to act like a poor person hahaha but don't ask me to be like u. I can be humble, but i can't act like a poor person. So don't ask me to be like that please. Please respect me as i am. Lets just be normal and enjoy every second of our life. We life only once, so have fun with it.

Maybe i never have a chance to say like this to both of u, but thats all i wanted to say.