i.have.to.go

One thing on my mind right now, it keeps on saying 'i have to go immediately, i don't care'. My heart scream, my head going to blow up. I can't control my emotion. It feels like i want to scream to stop everything. I wanna run, but i can't. I want to go somewhere, but i don't know where. It seems i can't do everything. I just feel anger. But i have to control it. I keep on hold it. One thing i know for sure, i am angry. So so angry. Now, i understand what high blood pressure is. It caused from anger. My brother said, if our anger reach climax point, we can kill someone. First of all i thought it is bullshit, but now i do believe. My anger haven't reach climax point, but all i know I'm in high temper rite now. I want to scream, yell, and destroy/smash something. Or run to nowhere. But, as i told u, nothing i can do. So i just hold it. Take a deep breath. Trying to calm down myself. Trying to be normal again. I found peace in writing. So i just put down my feelings on this post. I hate mad, angry, hatred, and all the negative things. But, i can't stay away because it is a part of life. I don't like when someone lose control, even me. Please, please, and please people. Hold urself when u are angry. It is important. I like much much better talk. Talk everything from ur heart. Nothing that cannot be resolved. Mad is desease. If u keep on continue to let mad control u, u can lose control. U can forget everything. U cannot distinguish between right and wrong. All u defend is urself, u forget about everyone around u. That's why i hate mad. I don't wanna ever be that kind of person. Mad sometimes is okay, mad for reason and mad if only something wrong. All u have to remember is don't ever lose control. Don't u ever continue it. I can bring u disaster, without u realized it sometimes. So please, hear me out. And i wrote this especially to my mom, i know u often right. But sometimes u can be wrong. I just want to remind u. It is not good. U forget everything. No one can calm u down. No one can talk to u. When u are angry, mom, everything seem black and dark. Now, let me made my decision. I have to go. I love u, but i can't control u. I have life. I don't want to be crazy because of ur loud voice and ur angry actions. Sometimes u mad not for a reason. It is making me confuse and trying find a false in me. But literally, i find nothing. I can't stand it, mom. I can't live with u. We have wrong mind. All u have to know, i wil always respect u. And i always love u, in any conditions. Always mom, always.