Nothing Free in This World

Hi again, this month I often post stories to my blog. Its not just because this is holiday, its because I have many times to realize much things.

Today I just realized, in my world there's nothing free. Accept, breath. Its a gift from God to every creature in this earth. Different with many people in this world, I have nothing to be proud of. Every things that I have, even my body, there's nothing naturally perfect in there. From head to toe, I have to pay for it. Pay doesn't only mean pay with money, but it also pay with hard work. I was born perfect with no defect, but when I'm growing up many things that is not going well as I imagine. From I was child, I'm ugly and fat. Many children dislike me at that time. I'm struggling to make my looks better and better each year. I pray to God for beauty. He answers it. But, it needs hard work too. People don't know how many sacrifice I made. How many tears falling down and how many sweat wasted on me. I work hard on everything, even on my body. I'm not as lucky as everyone else. If u see me right now and u amaze the different in me in a view years, this is called hard work. But I haven't work very very hard. My appearance still usual. Far from perfect. I just lose 5 kgs and still 10 kgs to go. I'm dreaming of can use every clothes that I have in closet, I'm dreaming of can buy many clothes in the store, not just good in eyes but the brand one. Hahaha I'm dreaming of many things but it is so hard to come true. I have limit in my physical appearance and in money. I really realized about that. Moreover I want to tell u about my limit in my appearance. My face is very sensitive. It has to be taking care very carefully. My hair, it is like hagrid hahaha, but now I blow it every time after I washed my hair. My body, I need to do exercise to reduce my fat. I even can't eat any kinds of food. And there's still many parts of my body that have to be taking care of, I can't tell u all, its gonna be too long if I put it into a words. If only, I was born with thin body and pretty face, I bet I would be a model hahaha. Such a ironic isn't? What I just told u is just about my physical appearance. I haven't told u about my ability in my study. ThankGod I'm okay with my social life now. If I'm not good at everything I bet I would kill myself right now hahaha kidding.

Now I want to tell u about my ability in study. I'm not smart enough like my friends. When I was child, I done many wrong things such as eat many unhealthy food, watching tv and playing games in large amounts of times that can effect stupidity. Hahaha it is my faults, but it is not fully my faults. There's many factors in my circumstances that can make me like this. Busy family, they left me to maid. They gave me every food that I want, because of guilty feelings they were too busy to taking care of me. But it just a past, I already forgive and forget. Now the problem is I'm just an ordinary girl with a big dreams. I have many many dreams, I want to be able to do many things. The problem is I have many limits. I can't count on to my family, they have limit too. They are getting older, each year their limitation increases. I have to be mature each year too. Many things cannot describe by eyes, it has to describe by feelings. It is so true there's wise man said the biggest battle is what I know vs. what I feel. Back to my topic, despite of everything I never give up to study, even my brain is so-so or sometimes it's below average hahaha. No matter how hard it is, it is my responsible to my life and my parents. Like the title, there's nothing free in this world. To get everything we must pay. Pay with everything we have. 


Note this people, I don't wanna give up on my life. No matter I failed one thousand times, I will never give up to try. I want to be success. I want to be something I've been dreaming of. That's all I want. I don't need recognition from other people. People can talk what they want. All matter is me and my family.


To people who don't know me and judges me. Go talk as much as u want. U don't know how I feel. It is hard to be me. In my weakness, at least I still try. But, I don't care with those people. They don't have mirror. They think they are perfect. That's fine. Maybe I'm not as perfect as they are, but note this every people can changes. Everybody can changes when there is a will. U will be amaze when u overlook the progress from people who have a will. It can changes slow or fast, depends on that person, how big is their will. Even if, it changes slow, it can be slowly but sure. 


Let me tell u, I talked like this it's not because I'm not grateful, I am. But, I just want to share to everyone about my journey of life. I haven't arrived to my target yet, I'm still on my way and I'm struggling with it. But, I am proud to be Kezia Joviana Kristel. God makes no mistakes on me. He just wants to mold me to be something beautiful. No regrets in my life I become me. Also, I am thankful I still can laugh everyday no matter how hard life is. For me, smile its a give and laughter is a blessing from God.


So people let's never stop dreaming, ur dreams can come true. Keep doing what's right and stay away from what's wrong. U don't know what may happen in future. Cause God sees what u've done and He has ears. Words also have power. He will listen to ur pray and when its time He will grant ur pray. If its not worked as ur plans, it means He has a better plans for u.