Love?

today I'm gonna post about my confusion. actually its about relationship in love life. many people seem easily to get boyfriend or girlfriend. idk why. i don't get it. why for me its so hard to get one. well, sometimes i kinda shock to hear that my friends already in relationship. i'm confused, how they do that? i can't deny that I'm oftenly jealous. all i know, I'm not gonna lowering my standard to get one guy fast. i know I'm not perfect. i know i have so many weaknesses. i'm fat, I'm not pretty, i oftenly stupid and not connect sometimes hahaha. but really? am i that ugly? am i not that attractive as a girl? am i not deserve even one man in this world? oh puhleaseee, why til now i haven't got any boyfriends? i tried everything to make me prettier than before and many ppl said that i made it. well, i think i haven't made it and i still on my way to it. however, is it my hardworks r not enough to get a perfect guy for me? i'm wondering, where is that guy that fit for me? i'm dying waiting everyday for that guy. i feel lonely somehow as a girl has to stand up all alone to face the world.

all I'm trying to say is when it concerns to relationship with a guy, I'm not a girl that find a guy just for fun, i don't want a guy that only fulfil my emptiness. i really wanna find a guy that really2 care to me. he hears me, i hear him. he knows the real me, i know the real him. we have feedback to each other. not only fallin from the outside, but from the inside too. i really2 wanna fallin in love because the boundaries between us r strong. cos i wanna find a home. a home where i feel save & warm.

many of my best friends r said that my criterias for a guy is too perfectionist and too many. but actually it is not. well, i did hahaha but not anymore. now i know what i really want. i don't want to find a guy that just for fill my emptiness, for pride, watch movie together, otp only for talk nonesense/fighting, and whatsoever. u know what? thats so childish. its a teenage things. i don't want that. well I'm 18th yrs old now, but really, many conflicts in my life making me mature a little bit fast. as u can see, my life is already hard now, i don't want another disaster. as example, if my boyfriend giving me a trouble too then i would not able to continue my life hahaha kidding.

actually my criteria for a guy is simple. really simple. i am a flexible girl. theres only one criteria that make me fallin in love to a guy so hard, which is listening. i love to a guy who kindly spending their time listen to me when I'm talking or sharing. i love to talk. i love to sharing my experience, talking about life, talking about the values of life, joking around, or even sometimes talking for nothing to someone. for me, a guy who willing spend their time only to have conversation with me for a long time is amazing. a guy who wants to listen to a girl stories r rare. so rare. but most of it, i love to talk about the values of life to a guy. actually when I'm talking about that, i also testing the personality of that guy hahaha. smart isn't? i wanna know the maturity level of that guy. i can even fallin for an ugly guy that have a great personality hahaha. the other criterias r secondary for me. fyi, i only find 2 guys that really2 can listen to me. both of them i think mature enough as a guy to have a relationship with a girl. their understanding to a girl quite high and they r very patient. those two guys r so nice, buttt one from them is already got a girlfriend and the other only assumes me as his little sister. well it is pathetic. i gotta find another guy that similar to them :p hahaha kidding.

now, i have many guy friends. and we r good friends. also i  really2 know how to differentiate them. thanksGod finally i know the difference between friends and love in the guys zone. in the past i didn't know how to differentiate it. i even had troubles be friends with the guys until hs because too confident hahahaha. i was oftenly thought that a guy nice to me, because that guy likes me. HAHAHAHA. now i wanna laugh to myself, cos I'm so stupid. wohooo now I'm over it! *dancing*

here it is, as my statement that i told u before, i will not falling to a guy unless he can hear me out. if we don't know each other well, how can we be in love? am i right, everybodehhh? so back to my first topic,  how come many people fallin in love to each other only from the physical? is that love? I'm wondering, but 80% i'm not sure it is. i guess it is lust. personally, for me, i don't believe love at the first sight or love because the attractive physical appearance. in my opinion, it is only a crush. it is for a while and not last long. for me, even if there is one guy that is very2 handsome and he approaches me, as example he's very perfect but he never knows me well (so do i), i tendly would not be with him. i rather fallin for simple guy who ordinary but he is like my criteria on the above. honestly, i even have ever fallin in love to an ugly guy who's willing to spend his time to talk with me, he accompanied me waiting for my sister for 2 or 3 or 4 hours maybe hahaha crazy isn't? he's so damn nice. we talked for hours about everything. i hv to admit it, it was fun. even there was pro and contra in our conversation, but over all in my opinion he's fun to talk with. we shared everything in our mind. he's honest about him and he doesn't try to cover him with anything. he's not afraid that i might disagree with his opinion. wow, a guy with open-minded. i really appreciated a guy like that. well, he's one of a guy that i mentioned before, sadly he only assume me as his little sister T_T.

so people, think about what i said. is that a girl/boy beside u now is ur love or lust? my definition can be right or wrong, but its my viewpoint. well, for me i rather waiting for the right guy to comes, cos I'm a girl and theres nothing i can do except wait. i never want to move on first on a guy, even thou i like that guy so much, its a rule of lady, "let the guys move" hahaha B-).
again, in this post, i want to emphasise just like in my post before, which is "it is not about perfection, but it is about understanding between a person to another to make a perfect chemistry." okay, so thats it. just think about my post deeply. no offence, ppl :)