Its Time to Change :')

Have u ever felt something terrible hits u and then u realised how u need God in ur life? Well, this is my second time. At this point i realised only God that really2 can help me and i also have to sacrifice everything, even people that i love to reach my goal. I wasted so many times in my life. I wasted my time for fun. In case i need to study more, instead of playing around. Well, i do many improvements from a day to day in study, but its still not enough. It is still far from the expectation. And the most hurtful feeling that i knew yesterday is, all this time i was tricked by my mind. My mind always fooling me. My mind always said negative thoughts rather than positive and its making me cannot move on. As example, when we are running, our body are tired and then our mind keep saying, "stop running, ur too tired!" But the truth is we can still keep going, because even our body is tired they are able to run for a few minutes more. Thats the way my mind fooling me. Its just one example, theres still another 100 examples or more that u can figure it out by urself. So, lets back to my topic. I don't have motive to mumbling on this post, i just wanna tell u whats happened in my life and so this is for my reflection too. Like i told u, today is my second failure of my life. I just saw something that shock me as hell, which is my gpa score. Today i feel like I'm the dumbest person on earth. Maybe its my mind trick me again but the result said so. Enough with the complaining about my self. For me, the score it is not that important, I'm not gonna use it anyway, i just need foundation as a place to study so i can take my diploma. The more important is my pride, i will be under estimate by my friends if they knew my score. But theres still time to fix it. On my semester 2 i will not let my gpa score be so low like this. Therefore, the most important is my parents. I'm sad that I'm not capable enough as a child to make them happy. They give me everything, but look what I've done to them? Nothing. Only dissapoinment. It seems i take it all for granted. But the truth is not, i tried to make them happy, but my hard work still not enough. When i they knew the result that I'm failed, they keep courage me to reach my goal. The money they spend for my education its not cheap, even its so expensive. I shame to myself, really :( They sacrifice they're money for me & put a high expectation on me, but I'm not capable till now. They supposed to mad at me, but they didn't. It hits me and making me realise theres no love as big as ur parents do. Its true. At the lowest point of ur life, they the one who beside u and courage u the most. Mommy even still give me everything that i want. I will try my best in this semester 2 to get high gpa. I will study everyday. I will not playing around and meeting my friends anymore. Its no use. Its only wasting money and time. I need to use my time only for study, study, and study from now on. 

Dear mommy and daddy, i promise to make u happy someday. I will try hard, so hard to make u guys proud. I won't disappoint u guys anymore. The price u pay for me, someday it will be worth it. And i want to see both of u smile big my graduation day in university. I hope someday u both will very very proud of me.

Dear God, i know life its not easy. Please give me strength to do all this things. Please help me handle everything that i cannot reach. I really2 need u in my life, Father. Only You, The One that i can lean on, The One that can grant all my wishes. Father, please help me to through all my days, i want to be a successful carrier woman in the future and make my parents happy. I surender all my life in U, Father. Maybe all this times U haven't gave me boyfriend, its because i haven't become a responsible girl yet. Im not mature enough. I imagine, if i have one now, maybe my life will be much failure and my parents will be much much much sadder. I understand now, why til now i haven't got any boyfriend yet. But when its the time that i already responsible enough for my life, would u give me a man that I'm dreaming of, God? Cause that is what i want and I'm waiting for from 7th grade.