Final Exams and Future

its been a while I'm not posting in this blog as u see. there are many pressures that i have to face it, which is study study study and study til i throw up. today is 4th may of 2012. my final exams gonna begin at 18th may of 2012. it means H-14 til my exams begin. 2 weeks more. how does it feel? terrify. this exam gonna decide my future. whether i stay in jakarta or moving to sydney? whether i keep on moving to sydney but take major of finance or culinary? i think about it everyday. my future. what do i really want? what kinda person i want to become? what my future will be? future husband, family, jobs, social life, materials that i have, living in apartment, and everything that i cannot mention one by one. can i really achieve my dreams? every time i ride my car, i look outside from the window of my car, i imagine everything, i try to put scenarios of my future in order. hoping and praying to God, that someday i will become a person that all i wanted. i have no plan beside going to sydney. why? because i put all my expectations in there. many people have asked me, why i chose to go rather than stay? the answer is because going to australia is the beginning of my dreams. it is all what i want. it is what all I'm fighting for. no matter how hard it is, i will try my best. i want to become successful person. i want to be an independent woman. no matter how stupid i am now, but not in my future. i want to make up all my faults. I'm ashamed with my parents. i always make difficulties to them. i still feel carry a burden. my parents are my burden. my mind always keep on whisper 'what if'. if i failed to pass this exam, if i failed to graduate on university, if i failed to make them happy, if i cannot payback their kindness. i don't know what shud i do anymore if one of those things that I'm afraid the most about to happen. like i said before, I'm terrifying. i just want to make everything work as my plan. please God, I'm begging You. i want to pass the final exams with a good grade and get a diploma first in INSEARCH UTS and then get in to university in UTS. I want to make me and my parents happy :')

one of my subject that I'm studying, which is economics. the most important one.